assorted loaf

It's Malibu McBee time!

2011-05-30T23:11:00.001-04:00

So June marks the official start of summer or some shit, and with that comes all that cool shit that I like to do in the summer... like stay indoors out of the shitty sun and shitty heat and watch shit on TV.

Nowadays I spread the wealth around a vast array of films that I have collected in a vast array of ways. (cough)... But there was a time that summer TV watching meant lots of late night Time Life infomercials, Ricki Lake, and of course American Gladiators reruns.

Lots of American Gladiators reruns.

I'm not sure what it was about that show... maybe that it was just easy to ignore while I was pining away for some chick that was ignoring me, but it was a regular, and still makes me think about summer vacation.

Lame, depressing, summer vacation.

Well, all of this babbling is just a roundabout way to 1) make it seem like I am writing more than I actually am, and 2) introduce a new little series of films for me to review (or probably not review if my track record holds true) starring (or at least featuring) a particularly massive-maned man I once knew as Malibu.

Mr. Deron McBee!

Now I can combine my summer TV laziness with my current viewing habits and share my feelings on some Deron McBee movies with you, my loyal handful of subscribers!! Thanks to The Gentlemen's Guide to Midnite Cinema, I realized that Malibu just wasn't a dude that was really good at shooting tennis balls at people and bludgeoning with oversize q-tips, but an actor in quite a few movies... even starred in a couple... and most just seem right up my alley. I'll be discovering literally ALL of this as I go along.

I can't guarantee all will be starring roles, but if Malibu is entertaining, it's gonna get talked about, bitches.

Maybe the tough tits will be enough for me to actually post more than three times in a month and get my subscribers to a more respectible level like 70 or 71!

A man can dream.

VHS Finds V

2011-05-15T11:28:00.000-04:00

In the spirit of blogging laziness, I present to you another VHS tape that I still cannot watch because my VCR lives in the attic. Certain readers will get a kick out of this. Others will not even know what the fuck it is.

RAIDERS OF ATLANTIS, or I Predatori di Atlantide, is a humorously bad/awesome post-apoc flick where you get to see this guy:

This film is on one of the Mill Creek 50-packs, but I can't remember which one at the moment and I can't be bothered to look.

VHS Finds IV

2011-03-13T23:41:00.000-04:00

Firewalker

I typically don't buy VHS copies of films that have been released on DVD, but this cover just caught me at the right time. Plus, it's some shit I'd never drop coin for on DVD.

Wasting some time at a used bookstore the other day before work, I first saw the Cannon Pictures logo, then the MEDIA logo as I turn to the front.

Add in Mr. Norris and Mr. Gossett, and I'm sold. I'm sure it's a total ripoff of Indiana Jones, but I thought more of the old Stuart Whitman film Treasure of the Amazon that I reviewed here back in October 2009. Should be fun even if lame.

I really should hook up my VCR soon.

Little fun things like that in my personal life have become about as rare as my blog posts.

CHINESE HERCULES

2011-03-03T15:32:00.000-05:00

Original Title: Ma tou da jue dou
Year: 1973
Director: Ta Huang
Writer: Kuang Ni
IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0137427/
Genre: Martial Arts

Synopsis:
A martial arts fighter, haunted by his past, takes a job as a dock worker in a small village. His vow never to fight again is tested by the cruel owner of the pier.

I wasn't actually sure what to expect going into this film. Just going on the poster alone, I thought I was in for a Bolo as a bully or even a comedy. What I found was, despite Bolo being top billed, he was not in a large chunk of the film and it was a relatively serious story about common men fighting back against some oppressive, rich bastards.

(No real reason to post the Spanish/Mexican version of the poster here except that I think it's pretty sweet.)

Bolo Yeung is not the star of this film, but when he makes his appearance, it's quite an impact, as only a guy of his size and demeanor can. They really play off his massive strength and make him pretty fucking scary. That's the Bolo I remember from Bloodsport! (Plus a few more lines of dialogue...) The volume is turned up to motherfuckin' 11 when he's breaking furniture and logs and necks... my tv speaker was about to burst.

Maybe I was just in a particularly chipper mood from lots of coffee and tea for breakfast as I finally made it through this film with jittery hands and brain, but I had a lot of fun. The first half plodded on at times, but there is a pivotal scene with an old man fight that turned the corner for me.

As with big men in professional wrestling, Bolo was given a role here that works for a dude quite a bit larger than the others around him. While it was interesting to see him in a near comedic role in Fists of Justice, being the unstoppable monster. The fact that he can bust out the relatively quick kung fu makes it all the more badass.

Look at this suave motherfucker.

While the acting overall isn't phenomenal, and some of the faces made especially in fighting seem very ridiculous, I appreciated the emotion brought to the story here by all actors involved... Bolo included. The main character is tormented by a past mistake and is torn on protecting those around him from oppression. The dock workers are visually frustrated by their situation. The dock owner is an arrogant, cocky asshole. Even Bolo gets in on the fun with being cocky on one hand and frustrated with wanting to do things on his own as opposed to just being simply hired muscle.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not championing subtle acting nuances or anything like that... but having a group of actors actually seem excited to film a story adds to the overall effect for me in a postive way. I could get into the film a lot more than if everyone was just stoic. It's possible the decent English dub on this copy helped matters as well.

There are some cool/up-close angles at time, but for the most part the film is standard faire for a martial arts film. Ta Huang, who only directed two films both around the same time, did a serviceable job... especially for a first film. It's only about an hour and a half long, but I ultimately feel it is a bit too long... probably because of the first half that takes quite awhile to set things up.

I was all set to come on here and have some laughs and write about some silliness cheese in the film, but Chinese Hercules just isn't that film. It's not gonna blow you away, but get a little amped up on caffeine and it may just hit you in the right spot. Solid and different than expected.

Score: 6.75 / 10

Filling gaps - Bolo will return

2011-02-28T23:44:00.001-05:00

Working a lot these past couple days... and really want to watch a Barry Prima/Chris Mitchum film tonight before bed, but I haven't forgotten about all you Bolo lovers!

While I am working (and not working) on a review for Chinese Hercules, here is a tribute video from YouTube with some pretty terrible music.

Can I say though, I am pretty fucking pumped to watch him in TC2000 with Billy Blanks

I need this on a t-shirt.... now

2011-02-26T16:10:00.002-05:00

Saw this from deviantART user ~vshen (http://vshen.deviantart.com/) while googling for Bolo Yeung photos. I would love to have it on a shirt

BOLO - FISTS OF JUSTICE

2011-02-26T00:00:00.000-05:00

Original Title: Bai ma hei qi
Year: 1977
Director: Yang Sze (Bolo Yeung)
Writer: ?
IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0164441/
Genre: Martial Arts / Comedy

Synopsis:
Two convicts get freed from prison and become lawmen in a corrupt village.

I realize that a film such as this isn't going to be the best representation of the body of work Bolo Yeung has put out over the years, but I thought it might be kind of cool to start out with a rare and silly film that he not only choreographed and starred in... but FUCKING DIRECTED.

Hell yeah!

Well, not really.

But it's at the very least an intriguing (at least for me, but I've been known as an idiot in certain circles) look into this seemingly quiet, toughman's creativity (?) and maybe even personality.

For those of you that may have issues with overly corny, Hong Kong slapstick comedy in your martial arts film, this film will probably not be for you.

I am definitely one of those people.

What I found watching this was a test of patience. It's really not very good. The editing and writing makes the story almost incomprehensible, and that comedy with food slapped in faces, eyes crossing, etc. just gets to be too much at times. The acting on top of the comedy is also very broad (not helped at all by a god-awful english dub on this copy), but that is one of the things for me that is both good and bad here.

It's bad for everyone except Bolo.

Bear with me here.

Bolo Yeung for me is a classic badass villain.... but oddly I really have only ever known him from one single movie... Bloodsport. Sure he was in Enter the Dragon, the film that helped him don the Bolo name, but we all know that's really the Bruce Lee show. He was a rather nasty baddie in another JCVD film Double Impact, but I only saw that for the first time when I reviewed it here on my blog last year. Other than that, my entire image of him has really been from Bloodsport... the uber-serious, cocky monster that obliterates Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds. SPOILER ALERT~~!

So seeing him in this role was certainly a cool change of pace for me. He acts silly. He is amazingly agile for a dude his size. He has a ridiculous fucking beard and hairdo.

The film may suck ass, but seeing Bolo have fun like this was really cool for me.

Part of the reason I am writing about a few Bolo flicks is to honestly just see more of his catalog. I'm not sure I've ever been a fan of an actor when I've seen as little as I actually have. The other reason is I just finally needed to break my streak and start writing shit again, and what better way to do so than with the Beast from the East... MISTER Tough Tits himself????

You don't have to answer that.

As I said, the plot is a total mess here. Truthfully I got completely lost about halfway through and only halfway paid attention to half of what was going on. Something about Bolo being a sheriff and there's some dude that used to be sheriff that is pissed and Bolo loves this super tall skinny lady and there's some shit about gold in there. Dammit I don't know.

And what the fuck is this?

Pretty much, I just looked up when the fighting would start, which thankfully was often, but it's all not enough to save the film overall. There's some decent stuff going on from time to time action-wise; some creative fight scenes that didn't completely rely on comedy which is always good for me. The co-star alongside Bolo, and I apologize for having no clue what his name is, was a talented martial artist himself, doing some sweet things with props in his scenes.

(Keep an eye out for a can fight and a fuckin' human being as weapon fight!)

Plus, it's cool for me seeing Bolo in a full on martial arts role, and not just the immovable monster. Reference is made to his size a few times, but otherwise he is treated as any other fighter in the film. Maybe this has something to do with his actually directing and choreographing it, but who knows?

Spellcheck has informed me that I've now spelled choreograph wrong twice... a different way each time.

Make that three times.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, tits.

Wait, tits?

Oops, I meant TITS

BAAAAAM!

For fans of kung fu films, there is, well, not a lot here. For fans of martial arts... there's not a ton, but some entertaining stuff nonetheless. I think Fists of Justice is worth checking out to see the softer, sexier side of the man we all know as Bolo, but for casual passers-by, you aren't missing much by skipping this.

Will this be the beginning of my path to becoming a Bolo apologist?

And Jesus Christ how many times can I say Bolo in the next couple weeks much less this one blog post?

Talent... some people are just born with it.

Bolo Bolo Bolo Bolo Bolo

Score: 3.75 / 10

Enough bullshit... it's time for Bolo

2011-02-25T20:44:00.003-05:00

Why can't I just sit my ass down and write something?

Bolo... let's bring it back.

DEATH WARRIOR

2010-11-06T13:37:00.000-04:00

Original Title: Ölüm Savasçisi
Year: 1984
Director: Cüneyt Arkin, Çetin Inanç
Writer: Cüneyt Arkin, Çetin Inanç
IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0183597/
Genre: Action

Synopsis:
A group of invincible ninjas in the U.S, start killing everybody, and the NYPD chief can’t solve the problem. The mayor thinks 'ONLY a Turkish detective can handle the situation', so they call for Inspector Murat (Kemal?) for help... and he comes to U.S. That’s when the action starts!

Three posts in the past two months. I rule.

Sorry to all zero of you who are let down that I didn't finish my number film countdown thingamajig. For anyone interested, the other films were Three The Hard Way (which I'd score an 8.5), The Two Of Us (which I'd score an 8.0), and.................. ONE ARMED BOXER (which also gets an 8.0).

Taaaa daaaaaaaa!

And what brings me out of my hibernation? Turkish ninjas of course. See, these ninjas are a samurai family that become darkness ninjas after dying. Yeah... zombies?

They can use playing cards and matchsticks as deadly weapons

They can live underwater for days without breathing

They know ALCHEMY! (what the fuck?)

They can see in the dark

Sometimes they even come back after dying (for the second time?)

And the only one that can stop them? This guy.

He's a pacifist (I guess?)... he's a lover... he will kick your goddamn face off. Unload a revolver into a Turkish ninja and he will keep coming. One kick from the Inspector and those bitches go down hard.

I'm not really exaggerating when I say that in the 1:17:00 runtime of this film, about 1:12:33 of it is ninjas training, ninjas kicking the shit out of people, and Murat kicking the shit out of ninjas. If you've ever seen a Turkish B-movie before, you pretty much know what to expect here, although I have to say this is possibly the most action packed one I have seen yet.

The story is pretty straight forward, and possiblymaybe could have been interesting in the hands of someone who knew how to write and direct a film properly. The narrative here is nothing new - bringing in a badass to take care of some bad guys that local authorities cannot handle - but it is slapped together in true Turkish cinema style making it more a collection of scenes loosely pasted together and padded with people running and screaming to fill out the time. These are the sorts of films you can honestly have on while not fully paying attention because they are certainly not heavy on plot details.

The fansubs are not perfect either, but who am I to complain about that? I feel very fortunate to be able to watch something like this and not be 100% lost. But really, if you find this without subtitles, you will have almost no trouble following what is going on. It personally drives me nuts to not know, but that's just me.

This film jumps freely from romance to mystery to cop to action and even some very bizarre horror and supernatural elements that make no sense whatsoever. But it's something about this strange mixture that make films like Death Warrior very endearing to me.

You'd probably be very pissed if you went to a cinema today and plopped down 10 bucks and got a film like this on the screen. But enjoying it on your screen at home is a completely different matter.

The acting is hard to get a read on. Cüneyt Arkin as the inspector is really the only character you will get to know all that well. The man must have been doing something right as he has 270 acting credits, and I've read that he was actually in over 500 films. He certainly has a unique and cool Amitabh style about him. I'm almost certain he must have been as successful as he was due to his looks and suave demeanor... but that's OK. I was eating up a little myself. Despite some obvious undercranking for some ridiculously paced fights, he's pretty agile for a guy who would have been near 50 when this was filmed. Seeing him bounce on trampolines with silly looking spray painted swords is worth the price of admission.

True lovers of trashy, low budgeted cinema will enjoy this one quite a bit I think. I've been let down by silly Turkish films in the past which ended up being all about the highlights from youtube and were boring otherwise (I'm looking at you here, Korkusuz aka Turkish Rambo), but Death Warrior stays actiony (I just made that word up) throughout with some ludicrous special effects and fights that really had me laughing and entertained.

For a film that for all intents and purposes would be considered a trainwreck anywhere else, I have to give a High recommendation to Death Warrior. Bravo, Mr. Arkin. You'll make a believer out of me yet.

Score: 7.5 / 10

Hobo With A Shotgun trailer... RED BAND!

2010-09-03T15:13:00.003-04:00

Film Geek's Most Wanted List

2010-08-13T21:35:00.000-04:00

I'm putting the call out there. I'm curious to see what people (including film geeks themselves)
thinks are the must-see films for self-proclaimed celluloid nerd.

Exploitation

Classics

Art-house

Obvious choices

What do you, loyal readers, think that a film enthusiast must see to represent the title properly?

Things That Give Film Geeks Wet Panties I

2010-08-12T18:17:00.000-04:00

Just picked up this sweet looking little book here for mere POCKET CHANGE on amazon.com

Kubrick, New and Expanded Edition: Inside a Film Artist's Maze

A comprehensive study of the films of Stanley Kubrick.
Stanley Kubrick ranks among the most important American film makers of his generation, but his work is often misunderstood because it is widely diverse in subject matter and seems to lack thematic and tonal consistency. Thomas Nelson's perceptive and comprehensive study of Kubrick rescues him from the hostility of auteurist critics and discovers the roots of a Kubrickian aesthetic, which Nelson defines as the "aesthetics of contingency."

After analyzing how this aesthetic develops and manifests itself in the early works, Nelson devotes individual chapters to Lolita, Dr. Stangelove, 2001: A Space Odyssey, A Clockwork Orange, Barry Lyndon, and The Shining.

For this expanded edition, Nelson has added chapters on Full Metal Jacket and Eyes Wide Shut, and, in the wake of the director's death, reconsidered his body of work as a whole. By placing Kubrick in a historical and theoretical context, this study is a reliable guide into—and out of—Stanley Kubrick's cinematic maze.

I hardly fucking read anymore, but recently was going through a bit of Kubrick reeducation of sorts. I came across this while looking up stuff, and thought it looked very interesting. For three bucks, how could I go wrong?

THREE THE HARD WAY

2010-08-11T13:17:00.002-04:00

Original Title: Three the Hard Way
Year: 1974
Director: Gordon Parks Jr.
Writer: Eric Bercovici, Jerrold L. Ludwig
IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072284/
Genre: Blaxploitation, Crime, Action

Synopsis:
The story involves a white supremist plot to taint the United States water supply with a toxin that is harmless to whites but lethal to blacks. The only obstacles that stand in the way of this dastardly plan are Jim Brown, Fred Williamson and Jim Kelly, who shoot, kick and karate chop their way to final victory.

Whoa... is this the first blaxploitation film I've reviewed here? Odd

Countdownsploitation continues for better or worse. We're takin it all the way to ONE, baby!

Not only am I reviewing my first blaxploitation, we're also taking quite a sharp turn from my little theme here. My original choice for the "two title" was going to be a bloody/horror type film as well, so having 3 heavies with machine guns in a ridiculous action film is a welcome change. I've since changed up my two to keep things mixed a bit. And confession time again, this is another one I watched a month ago, and I have seen 80 (holy fuck) films since then.

Jesus I need a life.

So pardon a very abbreviated review here to just get the ball rolling. This is professionalism, ladies and gentlemen.

Three The Hard Way stars three huge names in the genre. Jim Brown as record producer Jimmy Lait, Fred Williamson as explosive badass Jagger Daniels, and Jim Kelly as martial arts expert Mister Keyes all team up to thwart a neo-nazi plan to poison black people through the public water system.

Yeah, it's that kind of movie.

The story is pretty absurd obviously. It's not the best written, and honestly the pacing and editing of the story is not that great either. I guess technically speaking Three the Hard Way is kind of a mess. But trust me when I say that there is enough sweet shit going on here to keep even moderate fans of the genre entertained. Jimmy Lait's wife is kidnapped after Jimmy stumbles into the supremacist group's plan, and he realizes he needs help from his two old buddies Jagger and Mister to help get her back. Oh, and stop the plan too or something.

His name is Mister because his mama wanted people to show him respect. Yes.

The first 30 minutes of the film crawls just a touch as everything is being set up, with some gunplay and carsplosions thrown in there, but once the three guys are together it's pretty much nonstop for the last hour.

There is a very bizarre interrogation scene that must have inspired Quentin Tarantino as much as anything else he ever saw, that I would be remiss in leaving out of this discussion. Jimmy, Mister, and Jagger want information from a prisoner, and the best way Jagger knows how is through the help of some business acquaintainces of his who specialize in information extraction.

And they ride Kawasaki bikes in a nice colorful formation.

And they are three sweaty, hot, topless chicks.

Outstanding.

Seeing this for the first time, I thought the crew coming in was some white-power special task force with the red/white/blue color scheme and the KKK spelled across the front of the three bikes. Bill from Outside The Cinema has since informed me that they are just Kawasaki bikes, and the K is just the logo. Heh...

The visual of the three of them standing all frustrated and out of breath, an Asian, white, and black together, along with the fact that they are chicks kicking this dude's ass and the mystery behind it all is really a great moment in the film, and probably the highlight for me. One can certainly see this type of playfulness and the over-the-top tough chick theme in Tarantino's work.

You get pretty standard performances from the three leads. None of them are award-winning actors as we all know, but fit very well into the genre. Williamson is probably my favorite with his ever-present cigar and natural charisma. Jim Brown is a good serious-minded type character. I think he may have done some of his own stunts, or at the very least the doubles were very well edited. And Jim Kelly... well... he has a six pack and kicks the shit out of people!

Three the Hard way is a whole stinkin messload of fun. It's a silly film but certainly a crowd pleaser. The soundtrack by The Impressions is solid (if not spectacular for the genre), there's plenty of shotgun/machinegun/grenade/carchase/carsplosion action, and Jim Kelly's grunts as he whips ass are pretty hilarious. That dude must have hated wearing a shirt.

Definitely recommended.

Score: 8 / 10

FOUR FLIES ON GREY VELVET

2010-08-10T22:18:00.004-04:00

Original Title: 4 mosche di velluto grigio
Year: 1971
Director: Dario Argento
Writer: Dario Argento, Luigi Cozzi (story), Mario Foglietti (story)
IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0066735/
Genre: Giallo

Synopsis:
A musician is stalked by an unknown killer who's blackmailing him for an accidential killing of another stalker. But is everything what it appears to be?

A bit of a hiatus there from my number themed flicks. Would you expect any less (more) from me?

Four Flies comes from a Dario Argento that hadn't yet reached his prime. (And if you are still counting today, he is well past it.) It is part of an unofficial "Animals Trilogy," consisting of three completely unrelated films that all have an animal in the title. The Bird With The Crystal Plumage, Cat O' Nine Tails, and this film. These were his first three directed films, although he had been a screenwriter for awhile before this. Most likely because it was still early on in his direction career, we don't have the stylish shots that Argento would grow into, but that isn't to say that the film isn't stylish. Also, possibly because it was still early and less focus was being made on his technical craft, the story itself is still strong as well. Later into his career, it seems that his work's focus shifted more to the directional style over the plotlines.

Four Flies follows a somewhat standard giallo structure, with a central character witnessing or experiencing something that finds him either obsessed or helplessly tied up in a dangerous plot. Roberto, played by Michael Brandon, is pretty solid in the role if not remarkable. There's not much in the way of standout acting I found, but there are certainly memorable characters. To me it seems important to have the central "obsessed" character in a giallo be someone who is not way far out there, as the outrageous things need to happen to them for the best effect. Bud Spencer on the other hand plays the bizarre character God (short for Godfrey), a large and larger than life hermit type that lives in a shack beside a river who Roberto visits for advice. In a way this God character reminds me of a similar strange hermit visited by the main character of The Bird With The Crystal Plumage as well. Guess Dario liked the idea and stuck with it.

The main female lead, Mimsy Farmer as Roberto's wife Nina, is OK in bursts but not ultimately compelling as she overacts a bit. Granted, she is dealing with some pretty frightening things, but i'm a bastard, what can I say?

I really like Argento's early work, as I've said, because I feel like it is a good balance between the style and the substance. Four Flies isn't the greatest story ever told, but it's solid enough and has some interesting twists. The ultimate resolution of the film had be guessing until the end and left me satisfied.

The Euro-flavor of much of the shots and structure were strong as well. Nice moody lighting, some great point of view deaths, attacks, etc., interesting camera angles... all kept things feeling fresh even at times when the story threatened to slow down just a bit. There is a neat recurring dream sequence that Roberto experiences showing a criminal being beheaded in a square in the middle east. It is stark and washed out (possibly due partly to the age of the film), but regardless is a stark contrast to the cooler, darker, wetter tones of the rest of the film.

I could go on, but 1- this is a film better seen than described, and 2- I haven't seen this for a month, and my lazy ass is just finishing the review now. Sorry if the review is shitty. I just need to move on already!

Suffice it to say a fan of gialli or Argento or both will have a good time with Four Flies on Grey Velvet. It doesn't reinvent the wheel, but makes the wheel nice and shiny and fun to roll around on.

Score: 7.5 / 10

Boo!

Grant Morrison on His Psychedelic Western Indie Movie, Sinatoro

2010-07-30T22:09:00.000-04:00

Holy shitballs!
Yes, I've been lazy again. What can you do?
This one was too good to pass up

Put the words "Grant Morrison," "his," and "psychadelic indie western" together and you create a little tingly feeling in my privates. I've been a long time fan of Morrison's comic work and to see that his unique storytelling is coming to the big screen is extra exciting.

Check out the info on comicsalliance.com:

Grant Morrison on His Psychedelic Western Indie Movie, Sinatoro

The poster is pretty sweet as well

VHS Finds III

2010-07-18T11:28:00.001-04:00

No Time To Die

(a.k.a. Hijacked to Hell)

I picked up this little beauty on Amazon recently on the ultra-cheap. I can kinda see why as it's pretty beat up, but for me there is something to be said as well for formal rental VHS tapes. I know that the video quality is most likely better on tapes from personal collections, but am I really in this for quality? It's kind of frustrating to see a slipcase cut up, but having a clamshell that was probably carried from home to home for years is pretty cool as well. This little nomad has found a nice resting place now where it will be loved despite its flaws.

As for the film itself, the low budget artwork on the front is certainly enticing to me. It really screams Indonesia, although this film is German oddly enough. The fact that Chris Mitchum and Barry Prima both are in it says Indonesia also, which is what caught my eye most of all.

And I love that alternate title. HIJACKED TO HELL!

Say it in a loud, raspy wrestler voice.

No idea about the quality of the film itself. It probably blows (it has a whopping 2.8/10 on IMdB), but as I've grown to really love these 2nd and 3rd rate 80s action flicks as of late, I'm sure I'll find something to warrant the $1.50!

What makes a good double feature?

2010-07-14T12:44:00.000-04:00

I guess what I am looking for here more than anything is a little feedback. I have been brewing in my head lately what makes a good double bill... specifically with genre cinema.

Should the two films be related thematically?
Two films about cars?

Actors?
Coffy and Black Mama/White Mama?

Should they always be of the same genre?
Like a sci-fi event?

Should they be a complete contrast?

Or should they be some mix of these?

I'm open to any and all ideas and suggestions here. Let me know what you feel works. Give me some examples of genre films that work together if you want.

Being the OCD collector-type that I am, I lean more toward creating some sort of theme between the two films. The easy answer is to match the genres. If I were to put on a show, I'd go toward a Blaxploitation night... or a Zombie night for example. While this would entertain me (and calm that always screaming OCD voice in my head), I'm not sure it would be the best solution to entertain the most number of viewers.

Lynch Three Project

2010-07-12T12:16:00.000-04:00

I saw this today and thought it was pretty cool. Helping to fund a documentary on David Lynch by buying (for $50) a poster-sized print of a self-portrait created by Lynch himself.

LYNCH three PROJECT

We are currently in pre-production on the third and final full-length documentary film about David Lynch entitled "LYNCHthree” and would like to give all of his fans around the world an opportunity to share in the filmmaking process.

As truly independent filmmakers, we know first-hand that raising money is always a challenge, so we’ve decided to fund this documentary through an innovative crowdfunding campaign. This is one of the best ways we feel we can engage you in the process and utilize the tools of social media to connect with Lynch fans like yourself across the globe.

Here's how it all works:

David has created a cool limited edition self-portrait exclusively for this project. If you donate $50 towards the production of the film through this website, you will become a member of the LYNCHthree project, gain access to exclusive footage and receive your choice of either a limited edition collectible print, t-shirt or tote bag.

They are available through this website for a limited time only. Once we have raised the financing for the film, these items will no longer be available. This is an excellent way to support independent filmmaking. We hope you are as excited about this project as we are. Thank you very much for supporting LYNCHthree!

If I had the funds, I would certainly pick one of these up. Check out http://www.lynchthree.com/ for all the information.

5 DOLLS FOR AN AUGUST MOON

2010-07-11T23:22:00.002-04:00

Original Title: 5 bambole per la luna d'agosto
Year: 1970
Director: Mario Bava
Writer: Mario di Nardo
IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0065553/
Genre: Mystery, Thriller

Synopsis:
A small group of people come to an island to relax but soon find themselves trapped on the island with a murderer in their midst.

Countdownsploitation Number FIVE

One thing you hear from many many genre fans is how fantastic Mario Bava is. I will say what little I have seen of his when taking his entire catalogue into account has looked phenomenal, but as overall films they are very hit or miss.

This was unfortunately a miss for me.

5 Dolls was a bit of an unconventional giallo. We don't get the standard first person slasher style killings found in gialli, instead getting a slightly claustrophobic tale with a limited group of suspects as well as victims. The film was decently acted and fabulously shot, but some story elements seemed a bit forced in a way, and it all felt a little slow to me overall... dragging in spots when it really did not need to.

The cast features a whole host of somewhat recognizable faces for me, but no names ring a bell outside of William Berger who was in such films as Keoma, Nick the Sting, and a fantastic looking piece of Lamberto Bava garbage called Devil Fish, and the lovely and always magnetic Edwige Fennech from all sorts of shit where she probably shows her immaculate tits. Teodoro Corrà looked very very familiar as George, but even after looking at his IMdB, I still cannot figure out where I might know him from.

The characters here were more or less believable outside of a few dips into melodrama, but no one outside the temptress Marie played by Fennech really stood out for me. What helped far more in my enjoyment of the film was the ideas and style over any performances.

The name 5 Dolls refers to bagged corpses hanging in a walk-in freezer. I don't believe that is a huge spoiler as the deaths are simply a side effect of the story's progression. I will not say who ends up in the freezer, but the image of the corpses swinging slightly along with almost playful music as if a marionette was dancing was very good. It's one that will stick with you long after the film is over. There is another amazing set up by Bava with glass balls rolling down stairs and across a floor that is a grand sight indeed.

This is what the film had going most for it - Bava's style, angles, etc. coming through and putting a very nice polish on an otherwise average film experience for me. Regardless of what I feel about the plot and acting in Bava's films, his lighting, angles, closeups, etc. are almost always very, very impressive. The film opens great with Bava slowly zooming into every character's eyes as they all sit around watching Fennech write about half nekkid on a table.

By the time the film wraps up, I was kind of confused about certain character's intentions, or where/who one of them even was. While this could certainly be blamed on my being a dumbass, I think it is safe to blame the writing just a bit as well. Characters will go from angry and distrusting to fine again in the same breath, and for a killer to be loose on a small island, so many characters seem amazingly calm. In a way it feels like a stylized stage play when all is said and done.

It's not a terrible film by any means. Bava's style alone makes this worth seeing... not to mention a little nudity here and there (but could have been more!). There are better thrillers/gialli out there from this era (as we will see in my next review).

Recommended but not highly.

Score: 6.5 / 10

VHS FINDS II

2010-07-06T19:58:00.000-04:00

Hands of Steel
(a.k.a. Vendetta dal futuro)
This one may be very familiar to fans of The Gentlemen's Guide to Midnite Cinema. Sergio Martino's "classic" Terminator/Over the Top ripoff! This is available on a Mill Creek Set I believe, but all that is is a rip of a VHS, so I score cool points with this guy!

Paco Queruak is comin for you, bitch!

This is a sweet cover that is really only one upped by the poster that has the same image. The text underneath is a bit weak looking, but what can you do?

Countdownsploitation

2010-07-04T14:20:00.000-04:00

Got a couple films in my personal queue coming up that are in a sense a countdown in the way they are titled. So my anal side (my ass?) thought it would be fun to make a little series of it and review a few films that are numbered sequentially. I've never seen any of them, so we'll go on the journey together.

First review will be Five Dolls for an August Moon with the lovely Edwige Fenech, directed by Mario Bava.

Any guesses what will follow?

VHS Finds [or... Judging a Movie By Its Cover]

2010-07-01T23:30:00.001-04:00

As I have pointed out (and had pointed out for me) lately on The Gentlemen's Guide To Midnite Cinema, I have obviously been neglecting my blog as of late. I even stopped playing Red Dead Redemption and drunk touching myself like a lazy cat.

Well, in an attempt to jumpstart my half assed creative process, I thought I'd share time to time the random VHS tapes I cheaply come across.

VHS is a format I haven't really messed with in quite awhile. To be honest, the lazy toucher cat in me hasn't even allowed me to dig my VCR out of the attic and set it up. But lately I have been in a lo-fi nostalgia kind of mood. For example, I've been playing a lot of the original Nintendo Famicom (the older brother of the Nintendo Entertainment System here) lately... games like Popeye and Excitebike.

Anyway, while I still love my small yet growing collection of blu rays, and certainly love the new trend of DVDs getting cheap cheap, I have found a new appreciation for digging here and there for inexpensive VHS tapes... really the underappreciated, never-digitized (mostly action) films that more often than not have cases and illustrations almost as entertaining as the film itself.

There is a bit of a collector's market for VHS tapes, and I am not quite there myself. I'm skipping over the stuff on DVD really, and I am just not mentally ready to pay more than 5 bucks or so for a VHS from some greedy store or seller when there are much easier ways to find the movie if I really want to see it. But these cheap tapes I am finding are a lot of fun to track down, and hopefully I'll actually sit to watch them soon.

I wanted to start a kinda-somewhat-maybe regular series here where I just kinda show off the cool cheap tapes I come across. And I am always open to suggestions from any of you loyal readers who may still be around.

I found all these tapes today at a local used book store. It's a great haul if you ask me! They came out to about 2 bucks a piece, and in my quick and dirty cell phone research, were not released on DVD unless that DVD was just a copy of a VHS anyway. And keep in mind I haven't seen any of these movies before.

And these are all my quick cell phone photographed, online edited photos of the actual cases! Exciting!

Armed Response

Explosive action thriller, indeed. I've never seen a Fred Olen Ray film as far as I know. I do know he is known to have put out some trash of the highest (lowest?) order. But trash starring David Carradine and a very elderly looking Lee Van Cleef has to be entertaining on some level, right? Add in Michael Berryman, the bald creep from The Hills Have Eyes (or from Weird Science as I like to remember him) faded in the sky, and I can't help but drop a couple bucks on this beauty.

Not the most exciting VHS cover ever, although I do like the cheesy ARMED RESPONSE crackly type.

P.O.W.: The Escape
(a.k.a. Behind Enemy Lines)

I guess after Chuck Norris kicked his ass in Lone Wolf McQuade, Carradine wanted to get back at him by ripping off his Missing In Action movie.

This cover rocks! I love the over the top, painted stuff that was so popular (especially for action films) in the 1980s. Again, I know nothing about the film. The gun blazing, shit blowing up... what more do you need? Oh, and for a couple bucks and no DVD. I win!

Black Cobra
(a.k.a. Eva Nera, a.k.a. Emanuelle Goes Japanese)

I gotta admit I wasn't super stoked about this one upon seeing Jack Palance's head, especially along with "Erotic desires"..... ehhhh, but then I saw Ms. Laura Gemser.

Ms. Gemser got me through many a lonely pubescent night as Emmanuelle back in the day. I have no clue what this film is even about, but I am even happier I spent the 2 bucks since it is what appears to be at least an unofficial Emanuelle movie! Oh joy! Softcore porn doesn't hold the same place in my heart (pants) that it once did, but the pants need a trip down nostalgia lane too, right?

The director's name Joe D'Amato sounded very familiar as well. Not sure I have seen any of his work either, but he was certainly a busy man and had a film called Porno Holocaust, so yeah...

Florida Straits
OK, I bought this one on cover alone. I mean, it has Raul Julia and Fred Ward, but those two alone wouldn't be enough for a blind purchase. The typeface at the bottom is pretty hideous, but the painted cover is certainly a selling point. I didn't even read this one, but I am disappointed to see that it was apparently made for TV.

Oh well, they can't all be winners.

Pretty sure this one only cost $1

The Annihilators
Ohhhh baby

I've never heard of any of the actors, but look at these credits:
Christopher Stone from The Howling and Cujo..... ok
Andy Wood from Rambo First Blood Part II....... no clue but ok
Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs from Welcome Back, Kotter......... HAHAHA
then Jim Antonio from The River and Gerrit Graham from Pretty Baby..... I don't know those films at all.

Quite an ensemble cast of no names... at least to me. But it's totally the overblown image that makes this pick up a win. These badasses are BURNING THROUGH THE PAPER to come and rock your face off!

Look at the fucker in the mask! Holy shitballs!

They fought for their country,
Now they're fighting for their friends.

This tape cost the most out of the lot ($3), and has the worst rating on IMdB. Guess only time will tell on this. I am hesitant to watch it now as not to ruin the awesomeness that is the cover.

Quite an exciting trip to the store when I wasn't even expecting to find anything. I hope to write more of these as I find cool little video treasures around town or on amazon, etc. I love just coming across these new things, and I am sure when I finally hook up my VCR, I will love that nostalgic feeling of actually using the damn things.

Stay tuned!

Two things preventing posts lately

2010-05-27T12:39:00.000-04:00

and

Mr. Yuk commercial

2010-05-19T17:11:00.000-04:00

children of the 70s and perhaps the 80s will remember this commercial

the jingle has been stuck in my head all day

the Loaf is very assorted today

Empire Strikes Back Premake 1950

2010-05-19T09:41:00.000-04:00

more YouTube digging!

Empire Strikes Back 1950s style trailer

1973: The Year of the Joe Don

2010-05-12T14:03:00.000-04:00

The Chinese Zodiac chart says that 1973 was the Year of the Buffalo.

But the Americana Genre Fan Zodiac chart has 1973 possibly as the year of Joe Don Baker.

Per my usual, I was informed of quite a few films this week that I of course had not seen. I had asked Will of The Gentlemen's Guide podcast what Joe Don Baker films I should check out. Samurai and Will as well as a few callers over the months have mentioned him, and I just wasn't sure who he was.

Sure, I could have just looked him up, but I'm a lazy bastard, remember?

If you don't recognize his name by now, you will probably recognize his face.

See what I mean?

Anyway, to beef up on Mr. Baker before he started cashing some turd-soaked paychecks by the mid-1980s (Leonard Part 6... Dukes of Hazzard remake... Joe Dirt...), I was recommended a handful of films he was in, all of which happened to fall in 1973. So it was triple feature time!

I call it the year of Joe Don because this was certainly his time to shine. The starring role he is probably most remembered for is Walking Tall. He played alongside a guy you might recognize... Mr. Robert Duvall... in what seems to be a somewhat forgotten film The Outfit. And then there is an Anton Chigurh type character opposite another guy that looked rather familiar... I think his name was Walter Matthau or something like that... in Charley Varrick.

Baker was quite the busy fellow around this time, and it really seems like he was hitting on all cylinders in this great year of '73

Walking Tall, directed by Phil Karlson, was a film I knew about for years, but obviously never got around to watching or even looking into all that much. I knew the general story from having a lukewarm interest in the 2004 remake with the same name. I never saw that film either, but it did catch my eye because I was (and still am I suppose) quite the Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson fan.

This film happened at the end of Karlson's career as a director and second-unit director. He would direct Baker once more in a movie called Framed (which I haven't seen of course) before hanging up the directing boots for good.

Walking Tall is presented pretty straightforwardly. Karlson doesn't seem to show any flourishes or anything like that as we get a point A to pont B to point C Hollywoodified account of Sheriff Buford Pusser's life upon returning to his small hometown after an extended stay away. While nothing really stood out in regards to the visual style and direction of the film, I did think that Karlson's deliberate pacing along with the runtime of the film coming in just a little over 2 hours had some parts feeling superfluous. There's a handful of times that I just felt that a scene could have been cut down or cut out and it would have had everything feeling crispier and pacier. Is pacier a word?

The strength of the film lies in the subject matter and the performance of Baker. The story is the easy part because not many men lead the life of Buford Pusser. Single-handedly taking on The State-Line Mob and the Dixie Mafia along the border of Tennessee and Mississippi, Pusser was harassed, threatened, and even shot multiple times in his tenure as sheriff of McNairy County, TN. This man's personal quest was ripe for the picking in regards to books, movies, etc. I encourage anyone to read more about Pusser's short life. Doc Zom (check out his pro wrasslin blog at http://doctorzomsclassicprorasslin.blogspot.com/) has recommended a book called The State Line Mob for a gritty account of the illegal activities of the group and Pusser's dealings with them.

And the other strength, Baker's performance, is a biggie. This is a star-making type role and Joe Don was most definitely up to the challenge. His performance has great range as we see him shine in quiet/down moments such as outwitting a belligerent judge in a public restroom to painful scenes like getting his ass whipped, shot, etc., to dishing out some hurt of his own with a very convincing yet controlled rage.

This was a fantastic way to really see Joe Don Baker in a strong role for the first time.

Buford Pusser, aptly nicknamed The Bull when he was a professional wrestler, was portrayed here as stubborn and very determined. Nothing was going to stop him from continuing his "quest for justice" so to speak. Pusser had his ideals and no matter what shit and grime and terror was thrown his way just kept on his path. It makes for a great story, a solid movie, and served as a wonderful gateway for an underrated actor to really shine.

Score: 7.75 / 10

Next in my triple feature I checked out a much harder to find film directed by John Flynn, The Outfit, which found Joe Don teaming up with Robert Duvall as a couple guys performing a series of heists to in essence get revenge on The Outfit, that has killed Earl's (Duvall) brother and has their sights set on him. Earl recruits Cody (Baker) after learning of everything as we swing into motion.

As with Walking Tall, I felt like this was a solid, fun movie. I can now say I am a fan of Joe Don Baker after seeing these three films rapid fire, and I have been a Robert Duvall fan for a long time. I really like the team up of these two because in ways I feel like they are similar actors. I'm not sure their style is super similar, but both of them give me a similar feeling... they can both be serious badasses when the time is right (with Joe Don being a little louder in these times) but damn if I don't wanna just hug both of these guys.

Duvall's Earl certainly has a serious and even violent streak, but like many of his characters, he has a very cool approach to it all. He doesn't lose his temper but will shoot a bastard through the hand in front of a group of people that would surely see him killed if possible. Maybe it's my bias speaking, but Duvall is just great as usual here. What he does, he does right by me.

Baker here doesn't really have the outward acting as I mentioned, but plays it pretty cool similar to Duvall's character. He seems to be a simple guy with plain-as-day assessments of the shit that is going down, and he does what he does because that is what he knows how to do best. You get the hints (and some not so thinly veiled) throughout the film that he is ready to finally give the heist life up and settle down somewhere quiet, similar to his character from Walking Tall. Where Earl is driven and has a personal stake in everything going to plan, Cody does it out of loyalty to his friend and probably still the enjoyment he has inside when a heist/hold up goes according to plan.

In fact, some of my favorite scenes in the film were the down moments when Earl and Cody would just talk about future plans or whatever. The two interacted very well with one another... sometimes having simple yet interesting conversations without even making eye contact.

One scene in particular near the middle point of the film had Earl and Cody driving along while lady friend Bett (played by the lovely Karen Black) slept in the back seat. Cody talks about his diner in northern Oregon and how well he can fry an egg while Earl smokes and chuckles and listens. It's just a really cool moment for me for whatever reason.

It's a shame that this film is not on DVD... it deserves better treatment than it has received. There are VHS and "other versions" floating around which unfortunately is the only way to see this as far as I can tell. It's definitely worth watching. It's not a flashy film, but one to see for two very solid performances in Duvall and Baker.

Score: 7.5 / 10

The last film I watched in my mini-marathon was actually not technically a Joe Don Baker film. That honor would go to Walter Mathau. But Baker's supporting character is quite the memorable one and could possibly be my favorite of the three here. The film itself I enjoyed the most.

Charley Varrick, directed by Don Siegel of Dirty Harry fame, follows a group of bank robbers dealing with the realization that the money they have stolen may be a little too hot for them to handle.

Walter Mathau is fucking great here. He plays Charley Varrick and is cool and smart and witty as he can be. I love seeing Mathau's kinda smart ass characterizations just slightly creeping their way into Varrick along with the character himself being written to be one cool motherfucker. I really liked the details written in for him to show how on top of everything he was such as retrieving his dental records when there is risk of being caught or even using his crop dusting business as a cover (and means of transportation) for his bank robbing profession.

His speech/way with words may be the most impressive. There is a terrific scene when Varrick is talking about a round shaped bed with a woman.

"You may find this hard to believe, but I've never slept on a round bed."

"Is that so?"

"What's the best way... north, south, east or west?"

"That depends on what you had in mind..."

"What i had in mind was boxing the compass."

GET EM! It's all just delivered in that Mathau style, only with a cool cucumber skin over it.

Phenomenal!

But let's not forget why we are here. We are celebrating the Year of the Joe Don, remember? I mentioned earlier that Joe Don Baker plays an Anton Chigurh type character. He's not quite as frightening as Javier Bardem's portrayal in No Country for Old Men, but plays the same wild card hit man on a mission. His name is Molly. He has his peculiarities. But once he has someone in his sights, he doesn't stop. Baker is great here with a quiet intensity with Mr. Molly. Like I said, he's not as creepy and certainly has more personality as Chigurh, but his focus and his apparent enjoyment of what he does makes him almost as intimidating.

Molly just walks into places and pushes his way into obtaining information. He has a job and no one is going to stop that job from being finished. Baker is really well cast here being that he does happy and intense so well at the same time.

The contrast between Varrick and Molly is one of the more interesting aspects of the film. Both men in a way follow the same path (as Molly has been tasked with tracking Varrick down), and to see the way they interact with the same or at least similar people is awesome. Varrick uses his charm and wit to get his way. With Molly it's intensity and bullying.

"You just keep throwin' your feathers, Mister... before I put you in the hospital."

I loved the pacing of the film and thought the tension was spot on. It's not super action packed, although there are some nice action sequences, but through the tense tone, Siegel was able to make an exciting cat and mouse style story, only here the mouse was brilliant.

This film is a high recommendation from me.

Score: 8.5 / 10

So there you have it. 1973 was certainly Bakers time to shine and in my opinion he was sparkling. Watching these films certainly opened my eyes to him as a great and underrated actor of the 1970s, and I'll certainly be tracking down more of his films.

Now, back to Trenchard-Smith or something... heh

DEATHCHEATERS

2010-05-07T01:54:00.000-04:00

Original Title: Deathcheaters
Year: 1976
Director: Brian Trenchard-Smith
Writer: Michael Cove, Brian Trenchard-Smith (story)
IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0074385/
Genre: Action, Comedy

Synopsis:
Two stuntmen and war buddies are recruited by a man known only as Mr. Culpepper to retrieve papers from a remote

At least Stunt Rock had the ridiculous stage act to offset the lack of actual movie.

Deathcheaters was I suppose Trenchard-Smith's attempt at a comedy. As the film started, I actually felt a little confident in this realization, as the laughs weren't gut-busting, but at least entertaining. John Hargreaves playing stuntman Steve Hall and Grant Page playing stuntman Rodney Cann had good chemistry at first. Steve was sort of the voice to Rodney's peculiarities (such as wearing a Seinfeld-style pirate shirt and talking to his Bassett hound a la Roscoe and Flash from The Dukes of Hazzard). This film was released before either Seinfeld of Dukes though.

Can't ever say Trenchard-Smith wasn't influential!

There is a great scene in particular that really had my hopes high for the rest of the film. Steve and Rodney are filming an advertisement for motor oil or something. As Steve talks to the camera, we suddenly cut to Rodney flying through the air in this crazy industrial dune buggy. This eventually leads to a chase as they are bored with the commercial and decide to help out the cops driving by chasing some apparent bandits. Cars drive through a shopping mall and fun is had.

However, after this, as we get into the real plot of the film, everything just grinds to a screeching halt. The just for whatever reason becomes decidedly UNfunny. (With one notable exception that I can remember with a silly joke between Page and a secretary... her telling him that her plans for the evening consist of washing her hair then asking him if he has shampoo at his place.)

The stunts in the center portion of the film felt a little dry for me as well. Not that I would be anywhere remotely brave enough to repel from a building and such, but it all just felt out of place and very unspectacular after the thrilling car chase at the onset.

By the end of the film we finally bring the plot together as the two stuntmen use the skills they obtained in the war to infiltrate a factory and steal documents, but despite this OK final scene with quite a few explosions, machine gun fire, and what appears to be a trademark Tenchard-Smith hang-gliding sequence, it still all ultimately felt very flat.

Don't worry, that standing on the edge shot above isn't me after watching the film... although it was getting close.

Page and Hargreaves are solid in their roles. I like Page despite not having loads of range, but it's awesome to see this great stuntman in essentially a lead role. Hargreaves is probably the standout. He seems like he would be a very good leading man given the right role, although I have not seen anything else with him in it as far as I know.

You know, I have had as much enthusiasm at writing this review as I actually had watching it. To give you a little peek behind the curtain here, I started this goddamn thing on May 1st!

Deathcheaters wasn't terrible. But it wasn't all that good either. It just committed that cardinal genre-film sin... boring the audience. At least this one man audience.

Maybe I need to watch this with the commentary track on and see how I feel about it then.

Not recommended

Score: 4 / 10

Yeah... not so much.

Ip Man 2 trailer

2010-05-07T01:24:00.003-04:00

Will from the Gentlemen's Guide got me to check this out tonight.

I really need to check out Twitch more

This looks goddamn outstanding, and I REALLY need to see the first Ip Man!!

FUCK, anyone want to just finish my Deathcheaters review for me? I'm totally stuck here.

http://twitchfilm.net/news/2010/03/its-the-trailer-for-ip-man-2.php

Get Low trailer

2010-05-07T01:05:00.002-04:00

Just saw this pop up on Rotten Tomatoes.

Color me interested.

LOVE me some Duvall
and Bill Murray too of course
and Spacek is always solid

This could rule

Get Low Trailer

Jay Lethal rules

2010-05-06T12:11:00.000-04:00

Black Machismo doing a hilarious Flair
Just so you know, the video is 10 mins long, but once Flair himself comes out, the impersonation is pretty much over

For the uninitiated, here's his Black Machismo character

Hilarious Cinco De Mayo Message from Machete

2010-05-05T11:35:00.004-04:00

Hey Arizona, Don't Fuck With This Mexican... MACHETE has some Cinco De Mayo words for you!!!

clicky clicky on the link above to see an updated trailer for Robert Rodriguez's upcoming machete with a little special addition from Machete (Trejo) at the beginning.

Kinda ballsy... and I like it!

Hey folks, Harry here and earlier today Robert Rodriguez and Danny Trejo dropped by my house with a package. Rodriguez is calling this his "Illegal" trailer. You see, Robert talked Fox into letting him put together a Cinco De Mayo message for ARIZONA - given. Well, the way things are in Arizona at this moment - it is kinda insane that there is a movie that was shot over a year ago waiting to be released that is about - THIS EXACT ISSUE... but if, Danny Trejo and buddies went Revolution Wacko as a result.

Make no bones about it, this is a pure Mexploitation film, but like real exploitation at its height, that shit was pulled straight out of the headlines, even sometimes slightly before the headlines were the headlines. Frankly - that's just kinda cool. We've all known about this silly fun project of Robert's for a while, but then... an entire fucking state just goes fucking nuts... And us being Texans - we're usually quite aware of the lunacy of our surroundings here. But really, ARIZONA... what the hell?

For your pure enjoyment here you go my friends, Happy CINCO DE MAYO! Spread this Everywhere!!!

Showed up on YouTube so I can embed it!

That's what she said!

La Princesa Lea - THE BLOG!

2010-05-03T01:45:00.002-04:00

LA PRINCESA LEA

WOW!

I was just talking to Will from The Gentlemen's Guide to Midnite Cinema about Intrepidos Punks, the trashy mexploitation I reviewed last October. In particular we were talking about how the female Dee Snider in the film was hot in some weird way.

As I pointed out in that review, she is certainly hotter outside of the Punks realm. I was just digging around for more photos of her, and came across this blog.

It makes my heart smile to know that someone at least made an attempt at keeping an entire blog dedicated to this actress. There's only one post, unfortunately, but hey, it's something!

There's a thread on this Famous Mexicans website as well!
http://www.famosasmexicanas.net/showthread.php?t=1922

Te amo, Princesa

THE MAN FROM HONG KONG

2010-04-28T21:58:00.003-04:00

Original Title: The Man From Hong Kong
Year: 1975
Director: Brian Trenchard-Smith, Jimmy Wang Yu
Writer: Brian Trenchard-Smith
IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0073343/
Genre: Action

Synopsis:
Special Agent Fang Sing Leng is called in from Hong Kong to Sydney, Australia to interrogate and extradite a Chinese drug dealer, but becomes increasingly involved in a larger criminal network despite protests of the local law enforcement.

As far as I can tell, The Man From Hong Kong is Trenchard-Smith's first feature length film, and boy what a fucking doozy of a first film. To be a rookie in the 70s and get to blow shit up like this certainly took some sway somewhere.

This film stars Jimmy Wang Yu, who was apparently quite the problem actor. I had heard of his being tough to work with in a review long ago by Cinema Diabolica about his 1976 film The Master of the Flying Guillotine. Yu and Trenchard-Smith had issues on this set as well with who was directing who, but the pairing here at least made for quite a flashy film given the time period.

It starts off with a bang (fantastic helicopter/car/chase sequence capped off with the camera almost getting taken out by a flying door from the first of several carsplosions), and pays off with action throughout.

Yu is solid in his acting and martial arts, but for fans of later Shaw Bros. style kung fu action, you may find him a bit lacking. He was a big star at the time, even having directed his own films, and this film happened right in the middle of the kung fu craze that was going on in Hong Kong. Maybe it was because he was pissed off the entire time making the film, but his bad attitude and almost exclusively straight face play well into his character's hardline approach to "law" enforcement.

I don't mean to downplay Wu's physical skills here. He's not as flashy as many others, but I appreciate a less flashy style in cinematic martial arts as well as it can come across as more realistic sometimes. Sonny Chiba is one such actor that comes to mind. His kicks aren't the highest, but they carry such force they can look great. Yu is no Chiba, but he is still entertaining to watch. I'm not sure how many of his own stunts he did, but either way much of the action going on was largely convincing.

George Lazenby is the antagonist (other than some short appearances by Sammo Hung, Grant Page, and even Trenchard-Smith himself as unnamed villains), and is looking quite lovely with mis mustache of doom. I gotta appreciate some good facial hair. Lazenby is probably most famous for portraying James Bond only once in 1969's On Her Majesty's Secret Service. He's really good here I thought, and even looks pretty badass doing his martial arts at various points. I would like to have seen him more in the film, but what can you do?

Having two big personalities like Yu's Hong Kong Dirty Harry and Lazenby's Jack Wilton perhaps would ahve been too much. Yu was good at kicking nameless thug ass throughout the film, and the conflict between Wilton and Fang Seng Leng built up pretty well. Trenchard-Smith wrote a fairly standard story here, but directed it decently, especially for a first time.

There are some parts that drag and seem out of place, such as the "love affair" between Leng and a chick played by the beautiful Rosalind Speirs. The musical montage that accompanies the two of them horseback riding and frolicking in meadows is just fucking bizarre in the midst of a film with goddamn cars crashing through houses and bloody fights in a karate dojo. I understand the point of the scene, but it really felt awkward the entire time.

Luckily Trenchard-Smith largely sticks to what he does well, shooting action sequences. There's some fantastic stuff here with fights and car chases and such. Knowing this came this early in a director's career is even more impressive. The car chase through more rural roads in the back half of the film is one of the coolest I have seen in awhile. There are some real nice flourishes in the filming, particularly with the cars. Trenchard-Smith and his crew seemed to really have a handle on this aspect of movie-making very early on - you can really feel the speed and impact.

The action here is the lynchpin holding it all together, and taken as such, you can really leave the film with a sweet sweet taste in your mouth. Like I said, given the time period this was made, there's a lot of crazy shit here.

This is not a perfect film by any means, but is well beyond just being average. It almost would fit better in the 1980s. Hang gliding plays a part in this when all is said and done.

Yes, hang gliding.

While some parts dragged and weren't great, and the hit song that opens and closes the film is a disco travesty, I still had a good time with this and would recommend it to action fans, and especially to those wanting to beef up on their Trench.

Score: 7.25 / 10

50 Movie Pack DVD Sale at DeepDiscount!

2010-04-27T11:29:00.002-04:00

50 Movie Pack DVD Sale at DeepDiscount!

Fans of trashy, VHS-ripped, probably cut-in-length cinema might be interested in this! DeepDiscount is having a sale on their Mill Creek 50-movie packs

These are awesome for the right crowd, and while they are public domain typically, having them all collected together on discs for only 12 bucks is still pretty cool. Great to pop in on a rainy afternoon when you're bored.

I have the Martial Arts, Chilling, and Drive-In sets myself.

Sale runs through May 6th

While I'm being lazy...

2010-04-27T11:25:00.000-04:00

...and taking forever to finish my review, you can watch the trailer for The Man From Hong Kong!

STUNT ROCK

2010-04-25T23:07:00.001-04:00

Original Title: Stunt Rock
Year: 1978
Director: Brian Trenchard-Smith
Writer: Paul-Michel Mielche Jr., Brian Trenchard-Smith
IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078335/
Genre: Action

Synopsis:
Australian stuntman Grant Page goes to Los Angeles to work on a television series. He uses his spare time to lend his expertise to rock band Sorcery, whose act features duels between the King of the Wizards and the Prince of Darkness, with his cousin playing the Prince.

OK, I'm not always a fan of saying there's not much to say about this movie...

but...

Stunt Rock was certainly not what I expected. Instead of a standard action flick, what we get is sort of a Grant Page highlight show. Trenchard-Smith creates a very barebones story with Grant Page coming to Los Angeles to work as a stuntman on a new television show, meeting a lady there who is writing a story about people making sacrifices for their profession.... or something. Enter Mr. Page who throughout the film tells whatsherface about being a stuntman and being confident and having no fear. Then we see a highlight of a stunt he has done in another film while he talks about it a little.

The other major elements of the show was stage performances by this kindasomewhatmaybe ridiculous late-70s hair metal band Sorcery that simultaneously ~~sucks~~ rocks while a wizard and a devil (who is Grant Page's cousin in the movie) have MAGIC BATTLES on stage.

Um, yeah. This shit is hilariously bizarre. In Not Quite Hollywood, there was a funny story that Trenchard-Smith and a few others told about being told they had to find a band in a couple days, and Sorcery was a band that you find when given only a couple days. Their music is pretty atrocious and repetitive, and as someone in the documentary said, their magic may certainly have been better than their music. Try as I might though, I cannot ever look at a magic show and think "cool", at least not in the same thought of a metal band being "cool."

It's such an odd combo, and the trifecta here with Page being related to the devil guy who plays with fire is just a humorous stretch. So funny.

Like I said, I don't really like saying there's not much to say about the film, but it is what it is. Page performs a few stunts that seem to be showcased in the film for the first time, including a human bow and arrow type stunt over a gigantic cliff where he just flings himself through the air via a loooooong rope.

Grant Page is a fuckin madman. At least he was anyway, although he is still alive. You'll see him here climbing between speeding cars, crashing through a van windshield while on fire, falling off a cliff in a ball of fire, scaling the side of a hospital while his ass is hanging out. He's also fearless, or so it would seem. It's all quite awe inspiring, particularly for a fan of action cinema who may have a bit more knowledge into what stuntmen deal with in their profession.

This was actually the more interesting plot element of this film, even though it was handled a bit awkwardly: a director on the set of the television show and a manager of the lead actress that obviously take the work that Page does for granted. The director wants more more more... Page's stunts will do for him. The manager believes the stunts need to be left to stuntmen and the risk need not be taken by a star. This is probably true in reality, but the way this particular character is handled in the film is as if he looks down on the stuntmen, like they are expendable in a way.

It's all a bit heavy-handed but it comes from a good place. Take away Sorcery and the pointless tiny plot, and you have Trenchard-Smith's homage to the stunt by way of Grant Page. By showing stunt after stunt, sometimes with an almost-impressive spit screen with reverse angle, he drives the point home.

This would have been a great movie to show at Actionfest, as the weekend was definitely dedicated to stuntmen first.

This isn't a great movie. It felt like an episode of a sitcom when they just flashback and talk about shit that already happened. The story is throwaway, and Sorcery's stage act gets a bit repetitive. But seeing Grant Page do his insane shit was entertaining. You can see most of these stunts of his in other films though. It all just feels patched together and contains a plot probably just because it had to or something.

I'd recommend this for Trenchard completists, or someone wanting to see the amazing band Sorcery at the height of their magical career.

Magic... haha... get it?

Score: 4.75 / 10

It's time for the Trench

2010-04-23T23:29:00.016-04:00

TrenchARD that is.

Tonight I watched the fantastic documentary about Ozsploitation films... or genre films from Australia and typically about Austraila(ns)... Not Quite Hollywood: The Wild, Untold Story of Ozploitation! and there was quite a bit on a Mr. Brian Trenchard Smith. Trenchard-Smith is a director I have not really given a fair shake to. The only film I have seen by him (gasp) up to this point is 1988's Day of the Panther.

It was decidedly not my favorite martial arts film. Probably wasn't even my favorite that I watched that day!

I've had people tell me and heard on various podcasts and such that I really should see more. Well, now's as good a time as any I guess; I've been sitting on a few for awhile. Fresh off the heels of the testosterone oozing Actionfest this past weekend, I'm still chomping at the bit for more shit blowing up, cars crashing, and people defying death.

These will all be films released before Day of the Panther in 1988. Who knows, maybe in the past year I could have changed my opinion on that film as well.

So I'm declaring it now BRIAN TRENCHARD-SMITH MONTH on Assorted Loaf!!

Did you wet your pants?

Just a little?

I suppose I'll cover some of his "hits" in chronological order... we'll see. Let's hope I can turn around my initial Trench impressions. (From some of the crazy ass stories they told in Not Quite Hollywood, I'm not sure now that will be a problem)

You don't mind if I call ya Trench, do ya buddy?

That's bad ass

2010-04-22T23:12:00.000-04:00

So good

Actionfest: Final Day and Wrap Up

2010-04-21T13:49:00.000-04:00

It has been a few days since I returned home from Actionfest, but after watching 15 movies plus some extra shit including sleeping in a strange and loud place in essentially three days, I needed some decompression time before jumping back into things. Really it was sleep time while still being unable to fall asleep before 3am for whatever reason.

AAAanyway, the final day of Actionfest went by a lot quicker than the previous days. It was really because I only saw three films total, but also watched some of a stunt show in the parking lot (you can see highlights of it above), a stunt panel with some veterans including Aaron and Chuck Norris themselves, and a closing ceremony that I probably left too early.

I started the day with Robo Geisha. I was really excited to see this one after watching the trailer, but unfortunately the trailer highlights almost all the entertaining parts of the film. The story for me just wasnt that interesting, and really dragged at times. The highs were very, very funny, but the lows were too much to make this film feel like anything but average overall.

Next up in the day was Valhalla Rising. This was a funny experience because by this point in the day, more public movie goers were wandering in hoping to see Chuck Norris' official appearance, and somewhere along the way someone told these poor souls that a violent viking movie was playing. I was at an advantage in a way because I knew what to expect going in for the most part thanks to GGTMC's Toronto Film Festival coverage of it last year. But despite this, I still feel like the film went way over my head. It is violent and looks fantastic, but I could not figure out myself what Refn was trying to say. It definitely needs to be rewatched, but for now it was solid but not great for me.

After the gory vikings, I walked outside and checked out some of the stunt show going on. Chuck Norris was speaking to the crowd, and I was disappointed to see he was dressed in a nice suit instead of a denim shirt! After the show was a panel of stuntmen, and the Norris brothers which was really interesting. I wish there was a way to watch it again as I wasn't taking notes or anything. There were some great stories including Aaron Norris talking about doubling for his brother in Good Guys Wear Black and kicking a dude through a car windshield. Chuck had a really interesting story about his rise through the ranks in a manner of speaking - talking about trainign with Bruce Lee, and actually giving martial arts training himself to Steve McQueen and Bob Barker!

Finally, I wrapped up my Actionfest films... #15!... with Born to Fight. This film is fucking nuts. The stars here? The STUNTMEN! For a weekend filled with praise left and right for stuntmen, this was probably a really great way to end it. The acting in Born to Fight was really bad, and honestly the story just kept going on and on and wasn't all that thrilling. But I do not know how they completed this film without at least one stuntman casualty. Insane stuff going on, but overall not a super film.

I made my way after this to the Orange Peel in downtown Asheville for the awards ceremony and a show by local band Reigning Sound. I have to say the awards show was pretty lame as a majority of the awards given out seemed to just favor people that were there as opposed to what may have actually deserved to win. The best example of this was the award for best film at Actionfest.

Granted, I am not certain what films were eligible, but the "jury" awarded Isaac Florentine, the only director who's film showed attending the festival, best director. I saw at least three films better directed than Undisputed III... including Johnnie To's Vengeace. One of the festival organizers even called To the best working action director! I have nothing against Florentine, and I liked Undisputed fine, but this just had me rolling my eyes.

14 Blades won best fight scene, and I can agree with that one. There was a great scene wwith Donnie Yen fighting a very young guy who's name is escaping me in a restaurant/inn sort of area. Both of them would try to beat the other before a coin or bowl stopped spinning. Cool stuff.

They gave a special award to Marko Zaror for being an action star to watch or something like that. I could certainly agree with this. Zaror is pretty magnetic on the screen, and seemed like a humble and truly nice guy in real life.

There were some achievement award for the stuntmen attending, which was cool to see. I didn't have a good way to write them all down in this music venue, so I'm having trouble remembering.

The oddest award for me was best picture for Merantau. The film was OK I guess, but apparently the jury loved it. For it to be awarded best over the likes of Vengeance, Valhalla Rising, and what was probably my favorite film Harry Brown was just bizarre. Sure the fighting was fun, but the acting was NOT fun... especially the two white guy villains who were awkward and terrible. The story had its heart in the right place, but was not all that original or exciting. Blerg

I was getting tired of it all, and the crowd at the Orange Peel was the exact sort of crowd that screamed "this band coming up is going to be LAAAAAAME", so i left during Chuck's acceptance speech of his lifetime achievement award. He was telling the same story as the panel of his break into the business and training with Bruce Lee. I missed apparently his refusing the award and instead giving it to his brother Aaron who directed a it of Chuck's work and doubled/stunt coordinated as well. Oops!

And apparently I was wrong about Reigning Sound as well, because I looked up some songs and they don't sound bad at all! Ooooops!

I was tired, so whatever.

Actionfest was a lot of fun, and I am curious to see how it grows in the future. Carolina Cinemas was a cool venue, and I really appreciated the VIP pass holders being able to utilize the upstairs lounge there. For a festival put together in four months, they did a fantastic job, and I'd certainly recommend everyone keep an eye out. With more time to plan, I'm sure it would be better next year. Some technical issues with films, and the fact that it was impossible to see every film due to lots of overlaps were a bit of a problem, but not huge. My biggest technical gripe with Carolina Cinemas is how "zoomed in" all the films were. I do not know exactly how all the projector shit works, but when subtitles are constantly cut off and the framing has heads chopped, etc., something is wrong with the way the films are displayed.

I mentioned it on Twitter as well, but I will also say that attending this 3+ day event alone was a little trying. I'm a pretty solitary kind of guy, and going to see a flick alone doesn't bother me at all. But seeing 15 movies by myself that I feel somewhat passionate about and having no one to talk about them with afterwards was just a little depressing. Festivals like this I think are best with crowds, and especially I would imagine with friends. Seeing Undisputed with a respectfully loud audience reacting well to a film heightens my enjoyment, but having a buddy to drink a PBR and talk about how sexy Scott Adkins' six-pack was afterwards would really have been preferable.

So thanks, Actionfest and Asheville! Hope to kill ya next year!

Actionfest: Day 3

2010-04-18T01:13:00.001-04:00

Well I have wrapped up my third day at the action movie festival and boy are my arms tired.

Wait what?

Another day full of a wide variety of a mixed bag of action flicks. I woke up around 9:30 this morning immediately remembering that up until this point I had completely forgotten it was Record Store Day! Fuck!

I went exploring downtown looking for record stores, only to find two holes in the wall that didn't even open until 11am, so I just grabbed a chai and bagel to wait awhile. To waste more time, I went on the hunt for a new tshirt that didn't cost 25 bucks because I was painfully aware that the one I had on was too small for my pudgy tits.

No luck.

Hoodie coverup to the rescue!

Record store finally opened and of course they didn't have shit, but someone there told me the cool record store in town was a bit of a drive. So I packed up my shit for the day and headed out for Harvest Records.

It's a great store, but I didn't find too much...just a couple rereleased LPs from AD! and Tutu & the Pirates. Unfortunately I got lost as I am prone to do, so I was ultimately late for the start of the noon film...

The Good

The Bad

The Weird!

It sucks that I missed the first 40 minutes or so, but not a complete tragedy as I have seen the movie twice before at home. It was still incredible to see it on the big screen.

The second film was the new Michael Caine action flick called Harry Brown, and...wow! It was gritty and tense and pretty fuckin great. I had only minor complaints really, and it was awesome to see Caine in this sort of role again. It was like a Death Wish kind of story, and I found myself involved emotionally more than any film I've seen here.

Around 3pm there was a stunt show outside that I missed due to Harry Brown, but I am quite alright with that. There was a dude with a rocket pack apparently.

Anyway, next on the docket was a Donnie Yen wiu xia called 14 Blades. I posted this on Twitter earlier, but it bears repeating. This genre is one that I am confused the most by yet admire the most. I'm not saying that wiu xia is my favorite genre, but that of all the genres that typically go over my head, this one I still manage to enjoy more often than not.

And 14 Blades tried its damndest to confuse the piss out of my fragile brain. I think I caught it for the most part though. The costumes were amazing as usual, but some of the coreography at times seemed lacking. Also, there was a bit too much cgi that really didn't need to be there. Donnie Yen was a badass and helped me to enjoy the film overall but it didn't blow me away or anything.

Next was one I was really looking forward to from the trailer, but as a result ended up being the biggest let down so far. That would be an Indonesian film called Merantau. I was very much into the trailer when I saw it a few days ago, but outside of some amazing action sequences, some stiff acting, a couple highly annoying characters, and a story that just went on for too long really hurt my enjoyment of it. It was still better than Raging Phoenix, but just wasn't what I was hoping for.

Finally we had the world premiere of Isaac Florentine's new direct-to-dvd movie Undisputed III. Florentine and one co-star Marko Zaror were on hand and it was a great, lively crowd. They cheered whenever Scott Adkins or Zaror would do some insane move, which is pretty often, and it made the film fun. If you have seen Undisputed II, you know what to expect here. It's wet punchy fun in a prison fighting movie kind of way.

So now I'm back in the hostel boarded up in my sarcophogus recharging for the final day. I've heard Beck and now Radiohead playing at the bar downstairs, so it must be the coolest fucking bar in town.

So why am I lying here in my underoos? Anti social prick I am...

I'm really looking forward to Valhalla Rising tomorrow, and Robo Geisha should be a hot mess.

I really owe GGTMC (http://www.ggtmc.com) a voicemail! Fuck! Sorry guys...

Actionfest Day 2 (1.5?)

2010-04-17T09:47:00.000-04:00

I say 1.5 only because yesterday was essentially the Centurion premiere.

Today was a day stuffed full of films...6 in all... a few technical issues, and some highs and lows in my cinematic experience.

I got a late start on the day from trying to sleep in a bit this morning. I realized the sun rises right in the window opposite my bunk here at the hostel, so from about 7am on I had a little battle with consciousness going on. When I finally peeled myself up and ate more classy breakfast (actually a nice pear, granola, and more PB sandwich so not so bad), I was off to be a grown up for a few minutes and get my oil changed then off to be a big kid and watch movies for the next 13 hours or so.

I will talk a little about the movies, but I'll try my best to get formal reviews out for them as I can.

I started out with a 1970 Australian film called Wake In Fright. This is an outback movie so if you have seen those you have a general idea what to expect. I was a little disappointed to find out that it was being shown on blu ray, but it was explained to us that the film was once considered lost, and that this was a restored print. It wasn't a huge deal because it looked great. There weren't many people there at all which I guess can be attributed to it still being a workday and all, but I would have liked to have seen a bigger crowd. I thought the acting was outstanding, and moments very tense despite it not being the sort of action flick you might expect to see at a festival honoring Chuck Norris. Just sayin...

The second film I planned on watching was a Thai film from 2009 called Power Kids. It's a group of kids basically doing Tony Jaa style shit in order to help a friend in need of a heart transplant at a hospital being held by terrorists. Silly yes but sounded like fun.

It was not meant to be for this film it seems though. Originally the festival was supposed to get a 35mm print, but that fell through at the last minute for whatever reason. Well even more last minute, the new digital copy of the film decided to not have audio. So that was a big waste of 30 minutes.

It wasn't a huge deal as the only other two movies playing at the same time were Centurion again and Ong Bak 2 which I had already seen a few months ago. I just slipped in to catch the last 3/4 of Ong Bak 2, which is kinda funny because the first time I saw it I missed the first act as well.

It might be because of that that I don't understand the end at all, or it may be because the movie is just hard to follow in the first place. Regardless the stunts and fights are amazing and I still enjoy the movie.

The third feature of the day was originally going to be District 13: Ultimatum... the sequel to the first D13 from 2004. I hadn't really heard much about it except one bad opinion, and its available on dvd, so I decided instead to see Raging Phoenix with the chick from Chocolate who is supposed to be pretty insane.

Well, we were informed about 30 minutes in that the projectionist put the film together in the wrong order. Dandy. Ultimately it didn't really matter because the film was a fucking mess. I'll try to review it better later on, but it went from having potential to boring ridiculous Goonies and the Temple of Doom or some shit. Lame.

I snuck out of the theater at this point and finally found a KMart to buy some boxers so I didn't have to sleep in my jeans again. A weight lifted off my shoulders indeed... or my ass rather?

I went back to the theater for the next show, a Chilean action flick starring Marko Zaror called Mandrill. I wanted to like Mandrill a lot, and it certainly had some great ideas and sequences, but it ended just a little flat in the way the story was wrapped up. Again I will discuss it more in a little review, but Zaror was there to answer some questions after and he was a really cool guy. Somehow he kept his cool with a fat drunk loudly clapping not only through every action scene in the film but also pretty much every answer Zaror gave in the Q&A.

Next up was Johnnie To's first English language film starring French singer Johnny Halladay. I'm getting tired of typing here so I am gonna keep it short, hut this was the best film I've seen here yet. It has its faults but wow were the high points great.

And finally I decided to stick around for the midnight show... a horror comedy and genre twisting film called Tucker and Dale vs. Evil. It sort of turns the redneck slasher around and was very entertaining.

Anyway, I passed out back at the hostel and that was my day.

I will try in the next few days to review the films new to me and also come back for more festival summaries!

Actionfest: Day One

2010-04-16T03:19:00.001-04:00

It wasn't really a day so much as an evening, but either way, Thursday, April 15, 2010... tax day number who knows what and Actionfest day number one is in the books.

Centurion was the only screening this evening, but it was a fun gory time. I reviewed it already in case you missed that.

It took me forever it seemed to drive here today. A 30 minute drive to work daily seems excessive to me, so four hours alone in a car was borderline torturous. Luckily I had some GGTMC (http:/www.ggtmc.com) and some Showshow (http://showshow.podomatic.com/) to pull me through.

I've lived in NC all my life and never been to Asheville, so this was already a first for me. I've also never been to a real film festival, nor have I stayed in a hostel while travelling.

I wasn't sure what to expect there, but the place is super nice despite being over a crowded bar. I have a nice private bed and a locker. Anyway, I know you come here to read this horseshit.

Actionfest is being held at Carolina Cinemas Asheville. It's a great venue... a remodeled old multiplex I think. The interior looks great and the staff were all super nice. Maybe it was my badass VIP badge.

The festival was opened by two dudes in plastic Roman armor and then by Chuck's brother Aaron Norris. He looks exactly like Chuck (or is it the other way around?) Only without the beard.

The movie was cool, then there was a little gathering at the upstairs lounge. I wasn't expecting sofas and a projection screen! And some good food (vegetarian meatballs made from eggplants... never had that) while watching Missing In Action 3 and mingling a bit.

Since I am a broke motherfucker I went to a local grocery store before heading back to the hostel to buy some snacky food I could stash in my car. I had a hilariously sad peanut butter sandwich while standing in a parking deck. Ahhh class

It was a cool first day and cool to be at the first Actionfest ever. I hope to see it grow in the future, especially so I can bitch about kids these days and how in my day I had to eat peanut butter and white bread out of the back of my car just to be able to finally see The Good, The Bad, and The Weird on the big screen.

If by totally random chance you are in the Asheville, NC area this weekend, stop by the Carolina Cinemas and take part in the fun.

Now I go back to obsessively trying to plan my viewing schedule.

CENTURION

2010-04-16T01:30:00.003-04:00

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1020558/

Synopsis:
A splinter group of Roman soldiers fight for their lives behind enemy lines after their legion is decimated in a devastating guerrilla attack.

Bear with any inconsistencies here as I am attempting a review written via email on my phone... so it's all typed out with my two little thumbs. Also, I'm not exactly sure how to post anymore than one photo with each blog entry, so there will probably just be a poster I grabbed off my tiny web browser.

So I just got out of the world premiere (!I'm feckin special!) of Neil Marshall's new film Centurion. As with most of the films showing at Actionfest (http://www.actionfest.com), I did not know much about this going in. Shit, I didn't even know it was about Roman soldiers specifically, but we can probably attribute that to ignorance or mental laziness on my part. I mean, it is called Centurion afterall.
It's a story that felt like it could have taken place during any war with the trapped behind enemy lines theme, but what made Centurion different was not so much the soldiers themselves, but the enemy they were dealing with.

The Picts.

Not really being up on my history, I don't know much about this particular group of people, but they are essentially barbarians... complete with furs and face paint and scary looking axes to bury in your fuckin neck.

The standout Pict is a mute tracker played by Olga Kurylenko. She literally has zero lines in the film, but is nasty in her multiple action sequences.

The acting is what it is. I really liked Dominic West in The Wire, and I would have liked to have seen him play a larger role than he did here. Michael Fassbender is the star of the show here, and I think he is most convincing in role in moments of anguish... in particular the scene that opens the film with Fassbender fleeing through a stark white snowy field, hands bound, and a gash across his chest. He stumbles and gasps for breath and looks genuinely panicked without saying anything at all. (this scene has Fassbender briefly narrating to set up the story actually.

Other than the standouts, what you get are characters that are fine for what they are but who you will most likely never remember the name of. The overriding characteristics in Centurion aren't a man's future plans (although this is shoehorned into the story fairly early on) but rather if he got stabbed in the dick, slashed in the neck, or devoured in some other way.

Yes, Marshall's film is a wet one. He has some really nice moments, some amazing aerial photography of some incredible and harsh looking environment, but ultimately what you will take from the film is the violence. Beheadings and slashes and stabs and pokes and slams and pierced and crunches and turtles and....
Does he rely on the gore a bit too much? Perhaps. The story honestly did not feel all that unique by the time the credits rolled, but the brutality lingers on.

Personally I've found Marshall's previous films a mixed bag. Well, the two I have seen at least. I loved Dog Soldiers and its gore and claustrophobic action. But I ended up not really liking The Descent because of some turns the story took as it played out.

Centurion had elements of both. It took me awhile to warm up to the Magnificent Seven Dirty Dozen Inglorious BastArds style group of soldiers, but their being chased by these barbarians with a vendetta was interesting and tense. But I didn't like that the soldiers outside of Fassbender really had no individuality and were just meat shields, and I did not like some plot elements added in as the story evolved.

The film looks fantastic, and the fireball scene that you can see in the trailer may be worth the price of admission. But the movie does slow down quite a bit in the third act before the finale(s) and doesn't seem to know exactly how and when to end.

Overall though I enjoyed it. For the genre I thought it was definitely solid. It doesn't get bogged down in the ancient politics and shit that always fly over my head anyway, and really gets right to the goods like a good genre film should.

Score: 7 / 10

Actionfest begins!

2010-04-15T22:04:00.001-04:00

Aaaaalrighty... the pilgrimage is finally complete.

I've made my way to this really nice Carolina Theater for the premiere of Neil Marshall's new film Centurion, the weekend long inaugural Actionfest, and I am trying this mobile blogging thing.

Hopefully it works out.

There's a nice turnout so far for this showing. I hope the festival has a good turnout overall. I got a sweet nerdy VIP badge as you can see (hopefully) and a program I haven't looked through yet.

Well, the lights are about to drop. I'll be back with more Actionfest updates!

Disney Cut Paste

2010-04-15T01:20:00.000-04:00

I saw this on http://artofakira.com/

I've not had any animation shit on here before, but it's film related. And I have seen about 3 Disney movies in my life so anything showing it in not so bright a light is more interesting than anything else to me. This is very well edited showing the recycled scenes.

There's another little clip posted about this going on in Disney animated films, but not as creative as the first. Looks like some sort of TV documentary or something

incredible

2010-04-14T02:05:00.000-04:00

Titans Clash in my brain

2010-04-13T13:16:00.001-04:00

So I saw the new Clash of the Titans this weekend. This was a movie I was actually looking forward to. Unlike many genre fans, I do not get upset at the prospect of Hollywood remakes. I could care less honestly... whatever they wanna do works for me. I don't have to go see it if it looks shit... and a lot of them do.

But Clash of the Titans....

My little disclaimer here - I'm committing a big movie review faux pax here and letting my fond memories of one movie taint my opinions of the newer one. It's never fair, but with a remake I feel like at least some comparison is in order.

This is a film I have a long, long history with. The original that is. I've said on here before that I don't have a storied film past... movies were just not something my parents presented to us as kids. But Clash of The Titans was one I caught on television very soon after it was released. I'm not sure of the year exactly, but it had to have been in the early 80s.

I can still remember the first time seeing the movie on my dad's wood paneled Zenith on what must have been a local station because we didn't have cable until around 1990. I was eating a salad drenched in blue cheese salad dressing that made me feel sick when the three Stygian witches stirred their cauldron with the hand emerging. I can remember how bad I wanted Bubo the clockwork owl. And I can remember this time and so many others being scared shitless at the scorpion fight, the two headed dog fight, and especially the horrifying (for a kid anyway) Medusa face off.

I had the book based on the screenplay, although I'm not sure I ever actually read more than the first chapter. I just loved the cover of it so much that I wore the book out just looking at all the detail there.

Even one of my favorite toys until I thought I was just too cool for toys anymore (holy shit did I ever turn that around), was the fucking Styx ferry driver! Screw you, Calabos, I'm going with the hooded skeleton!

Oddly he came with a sword, but most often I used him as some sort of miniature evil wizard that would kick He Man's ass. Man I really need to find this thing. I had the waist joint so worn that you could just flop it back and forth, and I'd really have to balance the figure when standing lest he just bend over at the waist and fall.

His skeletal hand in the film taking Perseus' coin and eerily closing around it just looked fantastic and I loved the crunchy sound effect with it. It was definitely one of my favorite parts.

Ray Harryhausen's special effects were beyond special in the film. While they certainly look dated now, they had such a nice, tangible quality about them. Just seeing the detail in his creatures was awe inspiring then and brings back waves of nostalgia now.

What I wouldn't give to have those awesome sculptures sitting on my fuckin desk!

I have to say that fond memories and nostalgia certainly color my opinion of the film. It's not great - it's actually really cheesy for the most part. Watching it now, you can see the overacting in virtually every facet. The film has pacing issues at times... it feels a bit long at almost 2 hours, but I do feel like it is well written and has an interesting story of the gods really toying with humans to serve their own ends. The story was very serious at times, but still felt light and definitely authentic to me for whatever reason. (The story certainly deviates from the original greek myth FYI... read up on the history of Perseus if you are interested. No Kraken for him!)

But any way you look at it, it is a magical fuckin movie to show to a kid!

But the magic has faded away in the past nearly 30 years. Differences in tone honestly might have been my biggest problem with this Clash of the Titans remake.

I probably made a mistake in rewatching the 1981 film the same day I was going to watch the new one. I was not entirely fair in my judgments of it because I sat there the entire time comparing the two. As a CGI-effects laden action romp, new Clash serves its purpose. It looks great. I've heard there are some issues with the 3D version, but I saw the 2D so I can't comment on that. The costumes looked incredible. Liam Neeson was shiny as a fresh shit, and I really liked Hades' (Ralph Fiennes) charred armor in particular.

The Kraken looked cool as did many of the creatures involved. Medusa looked really awesome and I like that scene a lot. The fight with the scorpions isn't quite the same, but really cool here regardless. It's too bad the two headed dog never makes an appearance.

The three witches that reminded me of blue cheese salad dressing looked fantastic, but the scene didn't carry the same weight for me this time around.

The acting in the film is universally corny, but it comes with the territory. I didn't sign up for this expecting brilliance. There are some dramatic scenes, still though, that will have you gritting your teeth.

The story is changed a bit, but that's understandable. Remakes that are reworked a bit plotwise make more sense than 100% retelling the same story, as long as they are faithful to the original. Otherwise you just have a film that seems to say "I can do this better." And while new Clash was faithful at times, other times I felt those turds dropping.

MILD SPOILER ALERT
This is most apparent as the group begins its quest and are gearing up. Perseus (Sam Worthington) finds a golden mechanical owl in the chest and asks what it is. The head soldier (Mads Mikkelsen I believe?) tells him pretty much Oh forget that. You won't be needing that.

FUCK YOU!

Bubo is not to be shat upon! corny or not....

SPOILER OVER

The biggest thing for me here, as I said, was the tone and theme of this film in comparison to the original. I think this is more of a fair contrast between the two because I'm not necessarily saying the first one is technically better. It seems obligatory almost these days for action films to have a 'tude... and new Clash is no different.

One big thing I loved about the first film is that it felt authentic as far as Greek myths, and followed essentially one mythical hero's quest to challenge forces far beyond his scope. The gods were almost separate from the humans, playing chess with them if they wanted and dealing more with their relationships with one another. It's certainly not explored to its fullest extent in old Clash, but having Zeus protect his mortal son and other gods looking after their own interests as well added an interesting element to that film.

New Clash has to have the modern day 'shove it up your ass' attitude of course, having the humans declare this the new era of man... damn the gods! Perseus' quest against the odds of old Clash has been transformed now to a quest of lots of guys that Perseus just kind of stumbles into and goes along with. He is still the central figure in the struggle, but it becomes less about his myth now and more about the city of Argos rebelling.

Perseus could care less that he has gifts from the gods here, whereas in old Clash, the awesome sword/shield/helmet/BUBOTHEMIGHTY gifts were all cherished and came in handy in their own ways.

And was it just me, or was the whole Pegasus story much more interesting the first time around? And does he really need to be black? Come on... The original myth had Pegasus coming out of Medusa's neck hole after Perseus removes her head for her. How fucked up is that??

The relationship between Zeus and Perseus was not handled as well in new Clash either. In old Clash, Zeus looked over his son, and wanted him to succeed. Was it because Zeus is an egomaniac and his blood had to prevail? Perhaps, but it made some interesting (if underdeveloped) tension between the gods there. In new Clash, Perseus is far more a bastard child... offspring from Zeus fucking over a king that Zeus may or may not even remember. Zeus communicates with Perseus from time to time, but it's less of a game now and more of the gods dealing with their rebelling human problem.

Am I reading too much into this?

New Clash was fun, but watching it (and unfortunately comparing it) to the old was a mistake. On it's own, it's a good popcorn flick certainly. The creatures don't have that special Harryhausen touch, obviously, but look phenomenal in their own right.

As I write about new Clash, I feel better about it honestly. Maybe that would change if I sat down and watched it again, as I felt irritated upon watching it this weekend, but especially for people not super familiar with the original, new Clash is fun. If you can leave your notions at the door, you can enjoy it more than I did certainly.

Actionfest here I come

2010-04-12T23:17:00.000-04:00

Haven't posted a whole lot lately because really I haven't watched much. I was preparing a post comparing Stan Hansen's appearance in No Holds Barred to Terry Funk's appearance in Road House... but just not really feeling inspired.

Thought about writing a review of Road House (finally watched it)... but again...

I've watched a few flicks lately, but I've just been that particular type of bored that one becomes from time to time where the thought of every single thing to do sounds boring as well or just would take too much effort

BUT....

This weekend I am driving up to the mountains of North Carolina... to Asheville... to attend the world's FIRST action movie film festival!

I'm totally slumming it... staying in a hostel and eating peanut butter sandwiches out of my car... I'll probably have the shits for days.... but I'm looking forward to cramming as much over the top action I can into the 3+ days of the festival.

I'm not sure that I will be taking along a laptop, but I will try my best to take some photos and give at least a few blog updates with my cell phone. Looks to be a fun time... maybe I'll find that inspiration to get off my ass finally.

The fucking 4 hour or so drive there is already hurting my brain though.

NINJA vs. NINJA ASSASSIN

2010-04-10T00:59:00.000-04:00

I've heard a lot of you roody-poo candy asses arguing Ninja is better than Ninja Assassin or vice versa

Well I'm here to set the record straight.

It's pretty much a draw, suckers!

How's THAT for taking a controversial, hard lined stance? Wishy-washerman Loaf himself is here to say that maybe perhaps I enjoyed Ninja Assassin a little more for its ridiculousness, but Ninja was still solid and I will root for Scott Adkins until I find out about him torturing puppies or something in the future.

Ninja's title is a bit misleading because it largely follows the traditional Hong Kong approach to ninjitsu in having the ninja be mainly a villain as opposed to a hero. None of the acting here is fantastic by any stretch of the imagination, and honestly after seeing Adkins' moves in Undisputed II (another solid fuckin action flick) recently, I felt like some of the martial arts were a bit tame as well. But the story here was decent and definitely a more traditional martial arts setup. It was straightforward, easy to follow, and really did not try to be anything it was not... a direct to video movie with ninja shit!

I've heard complaint here about a certain ninja costume being silly, and, well... it kinda is. But let's not forget what we are talking about here. A GODDAMN NINJA. Updating your gear a little to have night vision and wings is no more ridiculous than a person that can walk on water or heal themselves with mere mind power, right? I liked the direction the movie took honestly with the new ninjitsu style of a man who has lost his way in bitterness and jealousy vs. an older style.

There are some great looking stunts here, and even the little wirework gets a pass considering the subject matter.

If Ninja were a movie I paid 10 bucks to see in a theater, I'd understand complaining perhaps. But for a rental if you're in the mood to see some sword fighting and blow darts, you could do a hell of a lot worse.

Score: 6.25 / 10

The general consensus for the most part seems to be that Ninja Assassin is the superior film to the two notable ninja flicks of 2009. While I have defended Ninja here in the fight, I did enjoy Ninja Assassin a little more. The difference here is that Ninja Assassin could have been more but fell short for a few reasons to Ninja's being better than I thought it would be going in.

Both movies have their fair share of CGI blood and gore, but honestly it doesn't really bother me most of the time. There are exceptions of course when it just seems completely out of place (such as a neck stabbing in Un Prophete which I was totally distracted by unfortunately), but when you get buckets of gore, and it is established early that they are going the CGI route, then good on ya. Make it entertaining.

And boy does the blood flow in Ninja Assassin.

The story in Ninja Assassin is also structured similarly to a traditional martial arts film, but the added introspection as well as a detective agency sideplot really detracted from the overall experience for me. Raizo (Rain) had an interesting past as an orphan with a very bright (dark?) future as an assassin for a very old ninja clan, but for a reason that I will not spoil here goes rogue.

I wish it had been left here.

There is a subplot that develops with an international agency librarian or some shit unravelling assassination plots and actually having video of Raizo in action. What kind of ninja is that getting caught plain as day on film? I will qualify this complaint by also stating that the ninja in Ninja Assassin are almost superhuman until Raizo splits their pressurized asses in two. You see them actually move fast enough to where there is a blur, climb on celings, etc. If Raizo is the strongest disciple, is he really gonna be fucking around without a mask and not hiding in shadows?

I don't like getting bogged down in geeky plotholes and stuff... I would say (particularly lately) that I am pretty forgiving of movies as a whole and just try to enjoy them for what they are. Ninja Assassin just forced my hand. I would just find myself thinking "I wish they would just get back to people or a car getting shredded by ninja stars.

There's some great shit in here though that balances out some of the over analyzation and overabundant plot points. A ridiculous body count and the magical ninja shit I like to see is all there with some crazy (if CGI'ed) weapon fights. The over the top elements really helped me enjoy this one in moments far more than Ninja, but the other elements really weighted it down so it ultimately overall was not that much more enjoyable for me.

Score: 6.75 / 10

So it's pretty much a wash.
Direct to video that soars higher than one would expect.
Bigger budget cinematic release with crazy shit weighted down by some corny turd

And I have gone around my elbow to scratch my ass!

CRY OF A PROSTITUTE

2010-04-02T11:54:00.000-04:00

Another oldie/shorty review for you.

Original Title: Quelli che contano
Year: 1974
Director: Adelchi Bianchi, Andrea Bianchi
Writer: Piero Regnoli (screenplay), Sergio Simonetti (story)
IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0154468/
Genre: Eurocrime

"It's a song... a vibration in the air..."

synopsis:
An assassin is employed by the mafia to take care of a couple southern gangs who are smuggling drugs in the corpses of young children. He plots to have the two gangs work against one another, working his way into both, and becomes more and more personally involved.

What we have here might be the first assassin to ever drive a VW bug! Henry Silva plays the stone faced assassin Tony Aniante in this gritty mafia crime film. He's sweaty, mean, and very quiet throughout the entire story... a role perfect for Mr. Silva! Forget police involvement here... this one is all gangsters and nastiness (except for a brief autopsy scene at the intro). You'll probably notice that Mr. Silva sports his heavy looking suit throughout the whole film despite constantly toweling off and looking as if he is sweltering.

The film opens with a man driving across the French/Italian border with a woman holding what appears to be a sick child in the back. They are in a car accident, killing everyone (there is a great, cheap cheap cheap severed head here!) Autopsies show that the child was murdered previously, as they open him him up to reveal vials of heroin in his emptied out torso. Tony Aniante is brought in by the Dons to put a stop to the gangs in the south who are using this atrocious practice of killing children to smuggle the heroin.

The film at times is very reminiscent of westerns, for example as Tony walks through town and towsfolk close themselves up in their homes as he passes. Tony is a very quiet, solitary figure, and often we are given a very hot, arrid landscape for the story to unfold in. The score that is whistled is almost out of Morricone's The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly score, and actually plays a part in the plot here.

The film is well acted for something in this genre even though it is English dubbed. The performances are for the most part serious, and understated. Not the greatest, but fine for what this is. Silva's fight scenes are entertaining with his chops and backhands!

Barbara Bouchet is pretty bad in her role, which I'm pretty sure is par for her course (mmmm.... Bouchet coooourse) but she makes up for it by being half naked/topless half the time, taking a milk bath while touching herself, or fellating a banana at the dinner table.

Yes, please.

There is a sex scene with Ms. Bouchet in there that I am not sure had been or ever will be again put to film. Not that it is all that graphic, but it is very degrading to her, almost to the point of humor. I'll leave this one up for you to find. I'll just say this poor character is not treated well at all in the film. Oink, oink.

I liked the direction of the film, the setting, sound effects, scene set ups... they were all solid. There are some nicely shot scenes in here with interesting camera angles during fights as we are given a first person perspective at times with kicks, punches, etc. It gets gory at times, but for the most part it's the fake red tempura paint blood and chewed up bubblegum head wounds. It works though. The story was decent as well; as I said above, it plays like a Western with the lone gunman coming into town and helping to rid that town of some tyrants one way or another.

This was a solid film. I enjoyed it quite a bit, and I would recommend it to anyone finding it interesting after reading this.

Score: 6 / 10

ROME ARMED TO THE TEETH

2010-04-01T11:32:00.001-04:00

Here is an older review of mine I dig from the crypts just for you!

My reviews sure have gotten a lot more wordy lately

Original Title: Roma a mano armata
Year: 1976
Director: Umberto Lenzi
Writer: Umberto Lenzi (story), Dardano Sacchetti (screenplay)
IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0075152/
Genre: Polizia

"Me, I'm protected by Satan. I'm shitting lead."

Synopsis:
A tough, violent cop who doesn't mind bending the law goes after a machine-gun-carrying, hunchbacked psychotic killer.

Hmm, not sure if that covers it so well, but oh well.

I thought this was a solidly acted, fun film.

Maurizio Merli plays Commissioner Leonardo Tanzi , a role similar to his roles in Napoli Violenta (another Lenzi film) and Roma Violenta (Commissario Betti). These movies must have been filmed around the same times (1975-1976). Tenzi is rough and a bit vigilante, but not as much so as his Betti character.

We do get to see quite a few Merli chop-punches and lots of gritted teeth from underneath his porn-quality mustache.

Another actor who has become one of my favorites in the short time I have been watching these films is Tomas Milian. He plays a nasty hunchback Moretto who has some great lines throughout the film. (The Satan line above is his.) There is a great scene where he hijacks an ambulance as well.

The story overall felt a little broken to me. There is the overall story of Tanzi trying to track down a high profile criminal, Ferrender. He is constantly after Moretto because he believes that Moretto knows Ferrender's whereabouts... I think. There's a story with a drug dealer which may or may not be tied to Ferrender. And there is also a story with a group of teens who Tanzi chases down in relation to an assault/rape. Other than perhaps establishing Tanzi's vigilante character and providing some fun chases and confrontations, these little pieces that make up much of the middle of the film do not do much to otherwise advance the overall plot.

There are some interesting elements of the media's role in Tanzi's career, as the police captain must always weigh the results of Tanzi's actions vs. the backlash such behavior will result in when the media reports on it.

Umberto Lenzi is becoming another favorite of mine it seems. Almost Human was a nice Tomas Milian as a bad guy film, and Violent Naples which was filmed around the same time was great as well. Lenzi does well at showing a gritty Rome (flaming box piles anyone?) and has some nice lighting and shots here. There are some really cool, abrupt depth of field changes that add a lot to the style of the film... focusing at faces subsequently in a line, or a particularly cool one with a long focus on a car parking, then the focus pulls back to inside another car with Merli's eyes in the rear view mirror. Without the interesting, European style filming of many of these polizia films, they become just standard action films.

Action packed with some soul, this one is quite fun. I can overlook the problems with this story when I am handed Italian-style car and rooftop chases!

Score: 7 / 10

Sweet movie intros

2010-03-31T19:18:00.000-04:00

Opening credits
Opening sequences
Whatever you'd like to call them

I saw this topic on the message boards over at popsyndicate
I thought I would show my thoughts here and ask if anyone has any they would like to share here as well!

I love these three intros - two from films from last year, one from a film from 1974

The first is 2009's Watchmen
sorry, I cannot embed this one
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=573XmVOdD2Q

Then 2009's Zombieland

Then Enzo Castellari's 1974 film Street Law

see a trend?

DEATH WISH: A Retrospective

2010-03-31T15:20:00.001-04:00

A.K.A. Falling In and Out of Love With A Vigilante

It's possible there may be some mild spoilers in this entry, although I will keep them as mild as possible!

As many of you know, I am super inexperienced in genre film watching to this day. While my appetite for trashy cinema may be high, my naivety may outshine it still. Death Wish is one genre staple I was minutely familiar with. Granted, I was a child most likely when I saw it, and it was probably on some local channel on a Saturday night (fuck, those were the days), but there were still parts of the film that brought back memories of sitting cross legged in front of the old wood paneled Zenith.

This week I sat down with all five (yes, all five) Death Wish films. I realized a few things while watching them. Most notably:

1) Charles Bronson likes ice cream.

and 2) I definitely had not seen any Death Wishes after the first.

So for the unknowing, uninitiated , or even uncaring, here's my general thoughts on this classic pentalogy for better or worse. I'll probably have the most to say about the first film as it is certainly the most artistic of the bunch and probably warrants the most actual discussion as opposed to giggling over giant guns and bullet holes.

Death Wish (1974) was filmed/released at a time when crime in American cities was on an obvious rise and American citizens were beginning to possibly feel the way that the main character Paul Kersey (Charles Bronson) actually acts out. The Bronson/Michael Winner flick was one of several the two worked on together, including the first three Death Wishes.

This film is an interesting look into a liberal man becoming increasingly frustrated with crime affecting him, and increasingly comfortable with solving these crime issues himself. At the time of its release, many critics said the film was exploitative and even dangerous in its message... and certainly the fact that it was a box office hit could have been looked at as a potential problem.

I did though feel like Paul Kersey's transformation in the film was handled rather well. He carries a sock with rolls of quarters in it, feeling exhilarated when he finally protects himself one night with it. When he first shoots a man, it is grisly and uncomfortable. The man writhes on the ground in tremendous pain and Paul runs away scared shitless... all the way home where he vomits at the thought of what he has done. I thought the jump after this into his more comfortably killing criminals was a bit abrupt, but not exactly exploitative, at least not by today's standards. I could see 36 years ago (holy shit) this being more pronounced however.

I've written in the past about this very subject with my review of Enzo Castellari's Street Law. Street Law was definitely at least inspired by Death Wish, and I feel the same here. It is a film meant to entertain, but treading on the ground of reality in a fictional work when dealing with such an incendiary topic can send a dangerous message to viewers. At times Death Wish also glamorizes the vigilante, maybe most at the end as Bronson points his finger gun at some thugs with a big shit eating grin on his face. And as I said in my review of Street Law, seeing this film nearly 40 years removed from the "current," it is easy to separate the message from the entertainment. But taking the time period in context, perhaps it certainly was exploitative.

The author of the novel that this film was based on, Brian Garfield, apparently hated the film adaptation, and too felt it was overly exploitative. So much so, in fact, that he wrote a sequel novel Death Sentence to show the dark side of vigilantism that he feels like the film missed from his first novel.

Garfield has said

The novel, which I wrote years ago as a sort of penance for the movie version of "Death Wish", attempts to demonstrate in dramatic form that vigilantism is not a solution -- it's a problem, and tends to destroy those who attempt it.

Anyway, back to the goods. Bronson was definitely solid here. He's not the greatest actor, often pretty stiff and stone faced, but he commands the screen when he's there. Something about his cool demeanor and look is magnetic no matter what the skill is, which is probably part of his long term success. The Gentlemen's Guide to Midnite Cinema bring up this point about Charles Bronson quite often, and it's very true.

Although in a breaking of his character, I did get a good chuckle at how happy Bronson looked in his apartment while swinging his new quarter-loaded sock around over his head. He was like a little kid.

The supporting characters were all solid for the most part. You get a nasty little appearance by Jeff Goldbloom with a now probably legendary line "Goddamn rich cunts! I kill rich cunts!" Detective Frank (Vincent Gardenia) was a cool character as well, and I really liked his runny nose cold being one of his character traits. It gave him more... um... character? The city of New York in 1970s cinema (this has been said thousands of times) also is a character of its own.

Artistically speaking, this film is far and away my favorite of the bunch. If there is going to be one Death Wish you see, this is quite possible that one... although part 3 may give it a run for its money. Death Wish is definitely thought (and discussion) provoking despite losing that focus somewhat by the end.

Death Wish II (1982) at the same time felt like a rehash of the first story as well as a great example of the contrast between 70s and 80s action cinema. It fittingly takes place in Los Angeles despite my wishes that it would follow the end of the first film and take place in Chicago. This film is the Motley Crue to the first film's maybe Black Sabbath - same family but the former with big hair and makeup.

The main difference plotwise between the two films is the establishment of a particular group of criminals that Kersey is after. I felt the examination of Kersey's experimentation with vigilantism to feel satisfied in the first film was far more believable and interesting than remembering the faces of certain assailants and tracking each of them down. The first film thus leaves you more with the feeling and impact of his decisions and the second with essentially just a collection of vigilante vignettes. Gone completely is the indication that his behaviors are affecting him in any way besides simply accomplishing the task at hand. His actions now seem like those of an addict as supposed to someone who is frustrated. He hides it from everyone, even going so far as renting a seedy hotel room to stage from.

Other notable differences:

Herbie Hancock's classy jazz-infused soundtrack in part I vs. Jimmy Page's tacky pre-80s rock soundtrack in part II.
More reliance on shocking scenes for impact including loads of gunfire and an extended rape scene.
Nasty Jeff Goldbloom is replaced by a corny Lawrence Fishburn. In fact, all the villains in the film are far less realistic and almost characatures of criminals; many felt very over the top.
Death Wish II was released by Cannon Films as opposed to Paramount's handling of the first - this alone can explain a lot to those who know a little about Cannon's typical releases

While the film had a different story, so much of it just felt like the exploitative elements pulled from the first film, polished 80s style, and output to a more standard action film. Bronson's portrayal of Kersey is essentially the same in his down moments except we get to see some really awkward love scenes which really should have been avoided at this point in his career. Vincent Gardenia reprises his role as Frank Ochoa, but unfortunately he still has a cold. I'm not sure why that rubbed me the wrong way, but it was a cool little touch for me in the first film and then just felt unoriginal by the second. Yeah, I get it... he's snotty. Blergh

This film was a complete departure from the ideas set in motion from most of the first film. Standing alone, perhaps I would have liked this film more. It was not terrible, it's nastier and more mean-spirited than the first and certainly more exploitative I would say, but not all that compelling for me either. It's definitely in the middle of the Death Wish road for me.

Death Wish III (1985) takes the excess of Death Wish II, cuts away the worthless fat, blows coke up its ass with a bendy straw, and sends it along its way. I can't really say that in all confidence because we do get more painful Bronson lovemaking, but at least this chick finds the better end of a carsplosion, so we'll let it slide. Sorry for the spoiler there!

By the time III rolls around, we've completely forgotten who exactly Paul Kersey really is. His wife and daughter are dead, and he seems to be just a wanderer at this point. A wanderer with a fetish for guns and a supplier who pulls no punches. He gets a letter from an old military friend in NY describing the decline of his neighborhood and asking for help, and Paul makes the trip.

Oddly, I don't even remember him mentioning that he is an architect, but he did tell someone he was a freelance writer or something, so that's strange.

Death Wish III, another Cannon film, is completely over the top and felt almost a parody of the vigilante genre. Vigilantisploitation? This film has made a complete 180 from where the series started, and thus has a cult following as well... but for obviously different reasons. You're not gonna find a sick Paul here wondering if what he is doing is right. You're gonna find a couple senior citizens (Bronson included as he was 64 or so when he made this film) using machine guns and yes, rocket launchers to dispose of some of the tackiest villains yet. The main baddie Fraker (Gavan O'Herlihy) is the worst yet. He even has this ridiculous reverse mohawk that really only makes him look like a banding man with a failure combover.

And the guy in the gang that you recognize from other shit? We've come from Goldbloom in I, down to Fishburn in II, and tumbled way down the celebrity totem pole here with a nasty Alex Winter a.k.a. Bill S. Preston Esq., although to be fair he would not actually be Bill until a few years later.

Again the villains are comical and one dimensional instead of anything approaching scary. Bronson is really hamming it up as well in his own stoic kind of way. Gone even is the element of suspense of Kersey avoiding the cops, because they essentially recruit him this time.

The body count in Death Wish III is far and away beyond that of the first and even second film, and this is where we are introduced to possibly the gun best associated with the Paul Kersey character, the .475 Wildey Magnum, an absurd hand cannon only topped in the film perhaps by the .30 cal WWII era machine guns, but really only by the goddamn rocket launcher.

For anyone interested, here is the promotional video for the pistols, riding on the success of the film itself.

Shit, there was even a Commodore 64 video game made of this movie!

As I was watching this, I thought it would be fantastic fodder for an appearance in the Simpsons. And funny enough, I realized soon after that Death Wish had been joked about in a slightly different way. A trailer for Death Wish 9 was shown, a decrepit Bronson lying in a hospital bed saying "I wish I was dead."

Not too far off!

Seek Death Wish 3 out for a shitty flick that is good for all the wrong reasons. It might be my favorite over part I, but I guess it would depend on the mood. The only question raised here is "Is this gun porn or not?"

BOOM!

I'm going to cram Death Wish IV (1987) and Death Wish V (1994) here together because honestly, they are definitely the two worst films of the bunch and I don't feel like writing much more!

Death Wish IV has Kersey infiltrating 2 rival organizations that supply 90% of the drugs to Los Angeles. Yes, we're back in Los Angeles. By the time you've gotten to this film, you can really see how standard they have become. Yes, Kersey is still a vigilante, but the cops are almost a non-factor here. There is a twist in the film wish was good I suppose, but still by the end this film still felt a bit flat. A 66-year old Bronson just didn't have the same oomph he did way back when.

We do get more rocket launcher love and a silly shootout in a roller rink which brought back some fond memories of my awkward years at good ol' Skate Haven, but it was honestly too little, too late. Micheal Winner had moved onto the greener pastures of whatever-the-fuck-he-was-doing and in came J. Lee Thompson of Cape Fear and The Guns of Navarone fame, but his attempt at a more serious story once again just fell short. It's too bad because Bronson and Thompson made some apparently solid films earlier in the 80s with 10 to Midnight and The Evil that Men Do. I've not seen either one, but I have heard good things about both.

Part IV loses the magic of III and never gains the introspection and interest of part I, and gets stuck somewhere in between.

Part V was really more of the same. Bronson had wanted to wrap up the series after IV, but I guess was swayed back by a heft paycheck or something. A 70-something action star, however, is quite silly though, and he honestly seemed tired. The poor guy looked like he even had trouble lifting his pistol at times, and the stunt doubles were aplenty.

This film had the most fleshed out villains, which was good and bad depending on your perspective. Having unnamed bad guys certainly had its place in the previous films, but at the same time, the lead villain here Tommy O'Shea (Michael Parks - kind of a real actor version of Rowdy Roddy Piper) was believable and really an asshole.

There was a couple cool action sequences, and I felt that overall this film was better made than the previous couple. But despite this fact, the film probably felt more like a standard action film than any other. I'm not sure if I disliked this or part IV more, but it was pretty boring overall, not really bringing anything new or overly-titillating to the table outside of perhaps a remote controlled soccer ball.

I discussed the different feel between part I and part II/1970s action and 1980s action, and this film falls into the same pattern as it felt definitely more like a 90s action film - more character interaction mixed with the action, indoor shooting action which for some reason seems like a 1990s thing more than anything to me for whatever reason, etc. I realize this is probably obvious seeing as they were actually made in these respective decades... but watching them all back-to-back in rapid fire fashion as I did really lets me notice the changes in style from decade to decade... an interesting transition.

Just as the film was ending and my finger is hovering over the stop button so I can just end it once and for all, Bronson walks off into the factory fog, silhouetted in a bright door, and says "Hey Lieutenant, if you need any help, give me a call." At this point I come full circle. This may seem highly odd after what I have just said about Death Wish V, but this line and scene kinda made me a little sad and I immediately missed Paul Kersey, and really Charles Bronson himself. This film was Charles Bronson's final theatrical appearance before his decline in health starting in 1998 to his battle with Alzheimer's to his ultimate death in 2003 from pneumonia. I'm certainly no expert on his films, but I've grown to be quite the fan regardless. This scene for me just went beyond the movie itself.

So there you have it. Death Wish is a series with ups and downs and ups and downs and maybe a little wrinkly of up by the time it ended, but it's an interesting look at the evolution of a series as well as action films throughout three decades. I enjoyed my time revisiting Death Wish as well as experiencing the others for the first time. While I probably would not care to see 4, 5, and possibly 2 again, these are still genre staples that should probably be seen by cult fans at least once!

I die a little on the inside...

2010-03-28T00:58:00.000-04:00

...when someone tells me a movie with this poster...

...is not very good.

Sad day.

Sorry, Summertime Killer

This would make a cool t-shirt

2010-03-27T01:05:00.000-04:00

80s style computer graphics from a police station scene in Lady Terminator

LADY TERMINATOR

2010-03-26T01:05:00.001-04:00

Original Title: Pembalasan ratu pantai selatan
Year: 1988
Director: H. Tjut Djalil
Writer: Karr Kruinowz
IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0095483/
Genre: Action

Synopsis: The spirit of an ancient evil queen posesses the body of a young anthropological student, who then goes on a murderous rampage.

When I started watching Lady Terminator, I was concerned that I somehow had obtained the wrong movie. I had heard that it was a ripoff of James Cameron's The Terminator, but what I was watching was set hundreds of years in the past. There was some sort of sorceress that fucks dudes to death and a hero that pulls a DEADLY EEL OF DOOM out of her vag and turns it into wiggly little knife as she curses his family upon escaping.

WTF, right? (And what a douchebag that guy looks like) While this honestly did not feel out of place for an Indonesian horror film, it just was not what I expected. And herein lies my biggest gripe with the film. I suppose I have been spoiled by other Indonesian films from this era that forwent much of the plot and character development for the sake of cramming as much shit blowing up as possible, but this film took quite awhile to get going for me.

Not that it was bad, really... it was fine, especially when this little 80s hottie comes on the scene digging around the South Sea Queen history because she's an "anthropologist" or something. Barbara Anne Constable is not all that great as Tania Wilson, athro-extraordinaire. And I am guessing Djalil realized this as well because 2 minutes after her intro, she's in a bikini smuggling diamonds, out at sea to find the Queen or something.

OK, OK, let's get on with it. There's no real reason given here why Tania is looking for this information, or how the Queen will have her revenge, or

Finally our 80s lady is tied up getting an eel of her own when she finds the Sea Queen's lair under the water or something, and we really get the ball rolling. When Constable is topless and/or mowing down losers with an M16, she's much more entertaining. She comes plodding out of the surf, sexing up two guys to death, then goes on a sour-pussed rampage looking for the historical douchebag's ancestor.

You're not gonna forget Lady Terminator's hilarious looking scowl anytime soon.

Or I guess the vaginal eel either.

Now that the background for this unstoppable monster has been set as well as it can be, the Terminator scenes start pouring in. For the last 2/3 of the film, we get the Indo-action staples with loads of bystanders mowed down, car chases in beat up sedans that scream crash me the moment they appear on screen, squibs exploding by the bucketload. Sure most scenes at this point are essentially stolen straight from Terminator, but they are a lot of fun and over the top, so it still works. There's the rampage in the police station. There's the nightclub shootout (although this time it is very neon and roller-rink hilarious). There's a shopping mall. There's even a car driving into the front of a building, although we unfortunately do not get our Lady Terminator saying "I'll be back."

There's even the eyeball scene, although this time she just appears to be washing off a gooey ping pong ball... and her face hardly even had a mark on it!

There's a cast of side characters that really only run away from/stand up to the Terminator. The ancestor of the douchebag is a bag of sawdust at best, and her savior is equally bad. They have a painfully awkward lovemaking scene where she opens up to him (LITERALLY HAHAHA) and he to her. Of course his wife was killed and blah blah blah. Although they are obviously supposed to be the Kyle and Sarah of this story, you really at this point could care less. Where's the fuckin explosions, man??

Oh yeah, they're back on the tarmac with fakeKyle's redneck buddies Snake and um... Tub? We're introduced to this dynamic duo in a flashback where fakeKyle met his now dead wife and Snake and Tub kick some guys' asses who are harrassing her. Oh, they are fucking terrible but oh so satisfying.

Snake has a mullet that would make Billy Ray Cyrus jealous and an awesome short-cut jean jacket to round off his traditional Canadian tuxedo. Tub?, while lacking the glorious mullet, makes up for it with a gut that surely came from too many Milwaukee's Best binges, some nice curls slicked back on the side, a lovely pedophile stache, and a stonewashed Canadian tuxedo that puts Snake's to shame.

Having these two buddies in there next to the cardboard cutout fakeKyle is a godsend of epic proportions. They have next to a zero role, but just look so ridiculous and have rocket launchers and tanks at their disposal that you can't help but be overjoyed at their brief appearance.

I mean, seriously folks. The only things missing here are boobs and perhaps a grenade launcher.

The film ends up being an interesting combination of a strange Indonesian folklore style tale mixed with the science fiction based Terminator story. She isn't a robot, but rather a possessed demon-type thing. I thought it was a cool twist on the story. Imagine if we had some flying demon heads like you'd see in Queen of Black Magic or something like that. That might be too much terrific for one 80 minute film to contain.

Actually, the Queen of the South Sea, or Nyai Roro Kidul, is a real and popular Indonesian folklore goddess. I'm not sure she had the sex aspect to her story, but she apparently could shapeshift and could make vicious waves in the Indian Ocean. A painting of Nyai Roro Kidul that Lady Terminator draws energy from before banging another poor uzi-toting hotel security guard in the film seems to be a common representation of the goddess.

There's a lot of detail left out as to why Lady Terminator does the sex death thing, or what even happens to the poor bastards she kills this way as blood comes spraying up from their crotch as she is riding them. I did think one chubby guy she kills looked like he was taking a facial in a porn. Awesomely awkward. He really did not want that blood in his mouth and eye!

For some reason I don't feel like my discussing the film here does it justice. I've focused a lot on some downfalls of the overall film, but believe me when I say that it is still very enjoyable. Despite throwing more story and exposition in there than many Indonesian genre films from this same time, it still manages to have the over the top action and be full of trashy fun.

Mondo Macabre has a great dvd of this film out there with special features and a nice restoration.

I'd certainly recommend Lady Terminator to any cult cinema fan.

Score: 7.75 / 10

DOUBLE IMPACT

2010-03-25T10:19:00.070-04:00

This past Saturday afternoon before going into work on the recommendation of Sir Large William of The Gentlemen's Guide to Midnite Cinema, I threw together a cool little double feature of two films I had never seen despite being somewhat familiar with similar films. The second, and one I will review next, is an Indonesian ripoff called Lady Terminator.

The first film I watched...

Original Title: Double Impact
Year: 1991
Director: Sheldon Lettich
Writer: Sheldon Lettich, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Steve Meerson, Peter Krikes
IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0101764/
Genre: Action

Synopsis:
Jean Claude Van Damme plays a dual role as Alex and Chad, twins separated at the death of their parents. Chad is raised by a family retainer in Paris, Alex becomes a petty crook in Hong Kong. Seeing a picture of Alex, Chad rejoins him and convinces him that his rival in Hong Kong is also the man who killed their parents. Alex is suspicious of Chad, especially when it comes to his girlfriend.

By the time the 90s rolled around, I went to high school, got a car, etc. and became too cool for awhile for action flicks and the like. It's a shame I was such a fickle young lad, as I missed out on some decent movies that were still coming out then. It wasn't probably until I went and saw Escape From L.A. at the theater in college that I started to sway back to my old standbys, but even then I was getting more into arthouse cinema and stuff like that because I had never been exposed to really much of anything outside standard multiplex and video store fare in my small hometown.

So my Jean-Claude experience essentially stopped with the 80s. Praise the lord for the internets and my resurgent interest in all things genre! Will suggested I check this one out, and I'm glad I did.

Finally I get to see JCVD's every wish come true (almost) as he stars not once, but twice in one movie! Only a man as sure as himself as the Damme could team up himself with and kick his own ass!

If only he had banged himself, the dream would be as near reality as possible I think.

What, too obvious?

Welcome to the motherfuckin Jean-Claude show, bitches!

Van Damme plays douchebag Chad and asshole Alex. Chad and Alex are the twin sons separated at birth as their parents, who have played an integral role in the construction of the tunnel connecting China and Hong Kong. Their parents are murdered in a plot to gain exclusive control of the revenue from the tunnel, but a nanny rescues Alex and a bodyguard Frank (Geoffrey Lewis) rescues Chad before they are shot as well.

I love how the Van Damme's accent is explained in a sense in this film. The babies have British parents, but obviously they aren't going to be teaching these kids anything anytime soon except how to feed worms. So...as the nanny rescues Alex, she drops him on the doorstep of a French mission/orphanage where we assume he is then raised. GENIUS!

And Frank takes Chad with him... and RAISES HIM IN PARIS!

OF COURSE! Hey, most of the time with these films, and with Arnie's films as well, you'll just get a dude named John Jackson with an obviously non-American accent and never acknowledge it at all. So I am thankful this little bit is in here, whether or not it is kind of a sly joke.

So now that the accent shit is out of the way, we can get down to brass tacks. Or maybe it's brass buttons...

Van Damme doesn't dance in this movie, unfortunately, but he does wear some hideous clothing including some near Daisy Duke length khaki shorts and a tan shirt with fucking pleated shoulders. Attention is drawn to this fashion travesty by the fact that he is on the deck of a moving ship and the wind is lifting said pleats, putting them on display in all their glory. I can only assume that he had trouble standing with all the added drag. At least put that shit on the back so he stays aerodynamic when he is kicking ass, you know?

Van Damme seemed to have a lot of fun in these dual roles, and honestly didn't do a terrible job. I mean, he was never going to win any awards for his performances here, but I enjoyed the differences he brought out between the two brothers. Chad is a bit of a ladies man, and dresses very preppy (late 1980s style). They have a sense of humor about his clothing, as several characters make comments about the way he is dressed. Chad revels in his martial arts abilities and seems confident enough to wear leg warmers and spandex because he's gonna get ass regardless. I only wish they had him stay kind of cocky this way throughout the film. At times later on, he seems goofy, clumsy, nerdy, but I suppose the purpose here was to show the pampered Chad feeling very out of his element.

Alex was a street tough criminal from the streets of Hong Kong. Here Van Damme chewed on a cigar constantly and loved to wear black. The best part of this character I thought were the action sequences he was involved in. Anyone familiar at all with JCVD knows quite well that he takes any and all chances to show how high he can kick, how low he can split, and how sweaty he can get his abs. But the Alex character had to be essentially untrained in martial arts. He prefers a pistol to a kick, and when it does come down to hand-to-hand, it was cool to see Van Damme just have to do it dirty street brawl style.

The way the two of them are handled together and still kept separate was done decently. They did have to rely on some special effects in editing a couple times that look quite dated now, but having the characters wear different hairstyles helped to tell them apart most of the time... Alex with his greased back look and Chad with his gelled curls. They could have both characters on screen by showing the back of the other at the time or even have one in shadow in the background... little tricks used many times in films where one actor would play two roles.

Thank god they never did the mirror trick where neither character could cross the center of the frame!

Geoffrey Lewis was solid, but I didn't feel he was all that different from what I have seen him in in the past. Which isn't a bad thing... just an observation really. The man has been in tons of stuff that I know I have seen and cannot think of any of it off hand. He was in Thunderbolt and Lightfoot which I really need to sit down and watch one of these days.

As for Alex's lady friend Danielle (Alonna Shaw).... well, let's just say at least she shows her tits. Granted they are fake as hell and displayed mostly in a highly tacky sex scene with JCVD (colored lights, ridiculous positions, and all), but who am I to complain about a lovely lady showing the goods? She's not very good in her role, but what can you do?

Usually it's Van Damme showing his goods, so I'll say good on her!

The villains are not super, but there are a couple interesting henchmen of note. First there is this one mullet looking loser that wears spurs and kicks like a motherfucker. I've never seen that shit before, but it was pretty sweet. He could totally slice a dude up with his feet before the poor bastard knew what hit him. There was a cool little fight scene with him and JCVD that was well lit and a bit stylish that ends in a satisfying way if you find spur man's dumbass look at all annoying like I did. He has no speaking role, so I can really only comment on the man's moves and shitty attire.

Then there is Kara.

Ahhh Kara

Kara is one of those chicks you just can't tell if you find hot or not.

I mean she's built. Really built.

Kinda hot, right?

Right?

Or does she kinda look like a dude?

Or is that why she is hot?

I'm so confused.

Cory Everson's her name, and pumping motherfuckin iron is her game. A former Ms. Olympia, she's nota great actress, but I thought the character was an interesting addition given the usual role that women usually seem to have in Asian locales in film (prostitute, stripper, hysterical bystander). She is one tough chick, wears leather constantly, and will stab you in the face. She's obviously here for her look and to show off those cut legs as she takes a life.

She's like Cynthia Rothrock hot.

And you gotta love a Bolo Yeung appearance. This crazy big, crazy tittied, crazy looking dude popped up in a couple Van Damme flicks and hardly says anything. I don't think he said anything at all here actually. I'm kinda shocked actually to find out that he was over 50 years old when he made this film!

The story in Double Impact for me honestly felt a little forced. I'm almost certain I have said this about other films I have reviewed here, but what this felt like was more a vehicle for double the Van Damme silliness and sweatiness, and Bolo showing off his giant moobs. It is void of twists or really any advanced storytelling... it's simply a revenge plot. The twist I suppose is that the people seeking revenge are twins. The way it is handled, though, doesn't seem to give Alex and Chad enough motive to track down these high-up criminals. Yes, their parents were killed, but the two of them did not know their parents at all. They are just now going on an old bald dude telling them they need to come get the shit that belongs to them.

There's not much style in Lettich's presentation of the story as well. All is pretty straight forward, as many action films are particularly from this era. Outside of a few cool camera angles, a decent foot chase that goes across the decks of docked boats, and little things like this, there's nothing really all that special about any of it. We are taken from point A to point B on a pretty straight path.

And the humor injected here would get tired pretty quickly. I laughed more at Van Damme impressing ladies in the gym at the beginning than I did at him slipping and falling on bird shit in an abandoned hotel.

But to all this I say... whatever!

If Van Damme would just high kick a barrel out of the sky, I'd leave a happy customer

Awww, thanks buddy!

Solid film... especially for JCVD fans. I'd certainly recommend it (more than users in IMDb, that's for sure)

Score: 6.75 / 10

LETHAL HUNTER

2010-03-24T01:54:00.002-04:00

Original Title: American Hunter
Year: 1988
Director: Arizal
Writer: Deddy Armand
IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0281587/
Genre: Action

Synopsis: Agent Jake Carver dives head first into a back and forth struggle with a terrorist group over the possession of an important piece of microfilm that could bring about the fall of Wall Street and perhaps the Western World.

Lethal Hunter, or American Hunter, or whatever the fuck it is called, is a film that dreams are made of. Yes, you heard (read) me correctly. _______ Hunter is a film where cinematic wishes actually come true!

What follows is my actual conversation with myself while watching this amazing film.
(Paraphrased of course)

"God these guys are talking a lot. Thirty seconds really does seem too long here. I wish a fat dude in a Jeep would drive through the window."

BAM!

"You know, they are hitting a lot of cool action movie staples here, but I do wish I could see some white guy kung fu in a cardboard dungeon."

WAPOW!!

"LOL, nice one movie gods. Can you keep it up? Like... I wish there was a painfully awkward shower scene with lovers who don't take off their clothes!"

BUUDAAOW!

"Man I can't take it!

Helicopter chase?"

BLEEP!

"Carsplosions?"

BLOOP!

"HOUSEsplosions??"

BLIP!

"FUCK!
Stone washed Canadian tuxedo??? (aaaalmost)"

WHAPBLAPOO!

"OK, OK...

What about THIS?

I wish for an Asian kung fu master...

...with a Ricky Skaggs hairdo and stache circa 1985...

...fighting an old white dude in jogging pants...

...wait...

...over a pond with cement mushrooms like Super Mario Bros. platforms!"

WWWWWWWWHACK!

Goddamn, Lethal Hunter!

You win!

Arizal brings the pain here with this flick. If you think I've spoiled it at all with all these photos, you may be right in a sense. But believe me- this film really can't be spoiled. It is not about the plot. The synopsis I wrote above covers the film for the most part. What we get here, and I say this a lot about the films I cover it seems, is a fantastic collection of ridonkulous action sequences and some hilarious shit all adding up to a story that could be told in five minutes otherwise.

Chris Mitchum stars here looking as suave and badass as a man in stonewash and wide lapels can and doing his best Joel Higgins from Silver Spoons impersonation. Edward Stratton III with deadly feet! Mitchum is as stiff as a board, of course, but I think his look and this acting add to the entertaining effect of the character. This guy Jake Carver is a lover and a fighter, a kung-fu master out not for personal interests but rather to promote good! I love his approach to the multitude of situations he finds himself in as they all seem emotionless and just cut-and-paste.

Sure, it may be due to a lack of talent, but in this sort of film, it just fits... it works.

We aren't here for a compelling dramatic performance. We're here to see Jake Carver do backflips and punch the slobber out of Peter O'Brian's stupid face!

Yes, Mr. Rambu himself makes an appearance here, but beware O'Brian fans. He's only here as a snaky little character role... a guy named fucking HOPE SELECK! What the fuck? Hope Seleck gets what he certainly has coming to him in very satisfying fashion. Quick and dirty, and you will smile if you have a heart.

The two baddies in the film, Adam (Bill "Super Foot' Wallace) and Frank Gordon (Mike Abbott) are hysterical in their own rights as well.

Bill Wallace looks like he's be your uncle Frank, but kicks like a motherfucker and sweats like two of them. It was hard to get a read exactly on his martial arts skills as his go-to move is a high kick to the mouth. Repeatedly. He loves that shit! And Adam also loves animals apparently. They do not get into the reasons why at all, but Adam is seen a few times caressing exotic animals. His only interests in the film seem to constantly kidnap one chick, find that goddamn microfilm, and petting his monkey.

Sorry, it's not as exciting as that sounds........pervert.

Wallace gives a sweaty, nutty performance... just going batshit crazy at times at the drop of a hat. I can't say it's a great performance per say, but it is certainly entertaining.

Mike Abbott on the other hand.... well, I'd say he is equally entertaining in his own way to the Super Foot, but for much different reasons. This guy is best at being a fuzzy ape in a fucking speedo. You will love his mustache and mullet. You'll adore his awkward poolside make out session. You'll wish you were him when he talks half-naked on a cordless phone as if it were a walkie talkie!

There's so much awesome happening here in this pic, I don't know what to do.

On an aside, I think it's hysterical how guys in these Indoaction flicks have such "dude next door drinking Miller and grilling some dogs" names. Yes, Jake Carver is a bit of an action flick name. But how dangerous does an insane villain named 'Adam' sound? Frank Gordon? Even in the classic (in certain circles indeed) The Stabilizer... our hero is named Peter Goldson! Thank baby Jesus we get a Greg Rainmaker there to even things out a bit!

And to totally contradict myself, let me remind me that Rambu plays Hope Seleck here.

Yeah, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about apparently.

You're in for a treat when you can track down an Arizal film. I've seen all I can find, and this is one I have watched more than once. The stories are brutally simple, but we can see that screenwriter Deddy Armand and Arizal love to just chain these scant tales together with as many stunts, explosions, gunshots, fights, vehicle chases, rapes, etc. as possible. It's the kind of film you can put on and enjoy while only paying half attention, but the more you watch, the more you are gonna just find your blurry, VHS-ripped cinematic wishes coming true.

Highly recommended for the right audience; one that loves some mindless action.

Score: 8 / 10

JCVD Mashup

2010-03-20T14:15:00.002-04:00

So last night I treated myself to a little Jean Claude Van Damme double feature. Two films I haven't seen in many years, but that I have seen multiple times each:

Bloodsport and Kickboxer!

I may have some spoilers in here just as a warning

My family didn't get cable until I was in the 8th grade (1989 or so), and my parents were holdouts on getting a VCR even. I can attribute this lack of initiative for my current lack of genre film experience. I grew up watching Kung Fu Theatre on a local public low bandwidth channel... and when we finally got cable (with Cinemax AND Showtime!), my genre experience moved largely to Emmanuelle type movies on Friday nights.

Hey, I was 13, what do you expect?

Anyway, these two films were ripe for the picking of the movie channels in the late 80s/early 90s. I was talking with Mattsuzaka from Chuck Norris Ate My Baby about the fact that Bloodsport was (and still is) shown on cable tons more than Kickboxer. While I am pretty certain I never rented them, I do know I have seen them so it must have been on cable back in the day.

But what was most interesting was how much the two films had blended together in my head. And it was mostly elements of Kickboxer leaking into my memory of Bloodsport, particularly the scenes where JCVD is kicking hanging pots full or water, and the friend being paralyzed (I thought he died actually!) as the driving force of the final showdown.

After watching the two again, I think my opinions of them changed as well. For whatever reason, I remember liking Bloodsport better, but I definitely think now that I enjoyed Kickboxer more. I like the outdoor, old school style training sequence. Also, while there is more actual fighting in Bloodsport, much of is it presented as musical montage... huge disappointment there. But the final fight in Kickboxer is worth the price of admission.

Well, that and JCVD drunk dancing in a local bar.

Wow.

So check out both these movies for

Jean Claude's nipple warming, pleated khakis
Men's faces spinning into the camera with blood flying from the mouth
Forrest Whitaker looking like a nerd and a half (Bloodsport)
Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds (also Bloodsport)
Sweat stains galore (JCVD does one spin kick and his denim shirt is instantly drenched)
JCVD splits and training to achieve the split
Cool late 80s style martial arts flicks.
Feathered hair and lip gloss... on JCVD (Bloodsport again!)

Good times

Cunt Smasher

2010-03-20T10:57:00.002-04:00

I swear I watch this video at least once a week

I think he would have made a good villain on Fist of the North Star

Mithun Chakraborty recommendations

2010-03-19T22:36:00.001-04:00

Before I move on to a more assorted selection of films to write about, I wanted to five one last recomendation list for more Mithun Chakraborty films. These are definitely more in line with B-movie camp than anything else.

Disco Dancer
Unlike Gunda, this movie seems to take itself seriously... which is awesome in its own right. Disco dancing galore with Bollywood style fight scenes thrown in for added spice.

Wanted: Dead or Alive
It's a Curry Western so that was enough for me from the get go.

Commando
This one I haven't actually seen, but there's at least one grenade launcher and some ninjas. So it's not going to leave my radar until I tackle it!

Hilarious spoof interview with Kanti Shah

2010-03-19T03:31:00.003-04:00

While looking up information and people's thoughts on Gunda, I came across this blog that has a fictional interview with director Kanti Shah. This is a lot funnier if you actually watch the film first haha

You can find the post here
http://greatbong.net/2007/06/20/gunda-the-legend/

Or for the uninitiated:

[This very long blogpost is a transcript of an interview with the great director Kanti Shah, director of the legendary Mithun-da movie "Gunda". And yes this interview is a work of fiction: it has no resemblance to any person---living or dead or seriously sick. I also have no connection with Kanti Shah or the production house of Gunda. ]

“There are two kinds of people in the world. Those who have seen “Gunda”. And those who shall see it.” ——Roger Abhert

Interviewer: Let’s get right to that age-old question fans and critics ask the moment they step out of the theatres—why? What made you make Gunda?

KS: The mid 90s were marked by great intellectual ferment and socio-political change in India. With unbridled economic liberalisation strengthening the unholy cabal of politicians and moneyed ruffians (I refer to this in Gunda as “aaj gundagiri aur netagiri dono eki baap ke do harami aulaad hain) , the nation witnessed fundamental transformations —a fact that was being systematically overlooked by popular escapist entertainment which minted money through vacuous NRI romances, forgetting its solemn duty to be the mirror of its times.

In 1997, I sought to make a statement through “Loha” where I tried to weld together the pernicious effects on the fabric of India of the new media (Inspector Kale, the evil policeman whenever he is asked to counter crime says “Main jayoon, Zee TV dekhne?”), caste (”driver ki ladki itni sexy!“), the fondling of a man’s bottom by another man (”mawali log tujhe chikna chikna bolke tere peechwar-e pe haath pherte the“) and existential angst (”Abh main bin petrol ki gari aur bin nashe ke tari hoon, main woh phateli sari hoon jo ek hijra bhi naheen pahenegi” ). However, because of the demands of the producer we had to put in a totally unrelated Govinda- Monisha romance angle that destroyed the celluloid mosaic I had intended “Loha” to be. Taking the lesson that even moderately big budgets require you to sell your artistic soul, I decided to make Gunda (derived from the German “Gund” meaning war and which some etymologists claim has been formed by the insertion of the word “Lund” into the word “Gaand” making it “G+ und”) by myself on a shoe-string budget, determined not to compromise my creativity in any manner.

Interviewer: Certain critics consider Gunda to represent the very worst of everything Bollywood has to offer. A done-to-death revenge plot, gratuitous violence especially towards women, shocking language and over-the-top acting. How do you react to that criticism?

KS: These critics are unfortunately literalists. And while they applaud the surreal appeal of Fellini’s La Strada, they are unwilling to put away their neorealist sensibilities while evaluating Gunda. My movie, intentionally confined by the grammar of popular cinema so as to make the message accessible to the hoi polloi, is actually an allegory where each villain represents something larger than just himself. More specifically, each villain here is a metaphor for the challenges facing India in the 90s.

Let me explain.

First there is Bulla, the main evil man. His motto is “Mera naam hain Bulla, rakhta hoon main khullaaaaaa“. While the literalists interpret this as a declaration that this man does not wear underwear, most right-thinking viewers will immediately realize that Bulla represents the “open” economy—that instrument of the capitalist West to suck out the life blood from the unwashed masses. Yes Bulla’s malignancy represents the depredations wrought by the “khullam-khulla capitalist system” with its removal of protection for farmers and small industries: in short the principal villain of the 90s.

Next there is Chutiya, Bulla’s hermaphrodite brother who is kept alive through a steady supply of “London se sex ki goliyan” in the hope that he becomes a “mard” or man. Chutiya represents the confused generation of the 90s, neutered morally at birth and slowly converted into a perverted abomination by the erotic media images from MTV and Channel V (the sex ki goliyan).

Then there is Pote—jo aapne baap ki bhi naheen hote. He represents those who revel in wanton violence ; whose raison d’etre for living is in inflicting pain and suffering—-kind of like those who took the lead during the Babri Masjid riots and later in Gujrat. And their life philosophy is articulated by Pote when he declares, with barely controlled glee that: “Hum aise lashein bicha denge jaise kisi nanhen munhen bacche ke nunhi se pesaab tapakta hain…tap tap“. When the sound of dead bodies falling on the ground resonates like the pitter-patter of an innocent baby’s urine striking the cobble stones—you know that the country is in trouble.

The 90s were marked by greedy industrialists, servants of pure avarice, who made common men kneel down and suck their bananas while they aggrandized themselves. This class is crystallized in the character of Ibu Hatela whose patented introduction is “Mera naam Ibu Hatela, Ma meri chudail ki beti, baap mera shaitan ka chela, khayega kela?” Their natural proclivity to go through the backdoor of the economic system is expressed through Ibu Hatela’s repeated use of lines like “Hum uske pantloon pharenge. Woh bhi peeche se”

And of course the law, as represented by Inspector Kale ,(a bit of Quentin-ish self-reference here as the cop in Loha also had the same name) had by the 90s become an extension of the criminal system. This is conveyed, without pulling any punches, in the scene where an honest policeman (the hero’s father) accuses Kale of being hand-in-glove with the criminals through the poetic denouncement: “Lagta haain Bulla ka thukh chata hain tumhe, peshaab piya hain uska“. Licking spit and drinking urine. Verily that was the law then.

Finally the Delhi politician “kafan chor neta” (Dilli se billi ka dudh peeke aaya hain) and Bacchu Bagona represent the cancerous Indian political leadership where friendships based on mutual benefit (teri biwi uske paas aur uske biwi tera paas soti thi) and not ideology are quickly transformed into enmity based on the shifting alliances of the criminals that control the politicians and are in turn provided protection by these lumpen administrative elements (as Chutiya says: “Yeh jo kaala genda hain na iske saath jhagra mat kijiye. Kyon ke kanoon aur humare beech Yeh ek saafed chadar hain. Iske saath jhagra karenge na to kapde dhulenge bharatiyon addon pe”)

Having created these personifications of India’s problems, I also created as their dramatic adversary (Main hoon jurm se nafrat karne waala, shareefon ke liye jyoti, goondon ke liye jwaala) the character of Shankar, (played by Prabhuji Mithun Chakraborty) a coolie in a airport . He represents the typical hard-working Indian man forced to balance time between an overweight girl friend, an even fatter sister, an overacting father, alcoholic friends and a pet monkey who can drive a car. It is Shankar and his family that is crushed underneath the “system” of the 90s—a system that Shankar rises against through the inspirational “Do chaar chaaye aat dus. Bus” reciting of even numbers and concomitant retributory cleansing violence.

Thus being a depiction of the eternal conflict between good and evil with each character being an anthropomorphization of historical forces, Gunda transcends all cinematic formulae. Even after this if people want to call Gunda trite, well all I can say, paraphrasing a line from Loha, that their intellects “kisi garbabhati billi ki latakti hui pet ki tarah latak raha hain”

Interviewer: Kind of like a Mahabharata of the times.

KS: Exactly. And like Mahabharata, Gunda is not just about conflict. I will go so far as to say that the conflict is secondary to the human drama. In the best traditions of a Greek tragedy, noone comes unscathed from the Gunda experience. While ostensibly the story of a man who loses his father, sister and wife to the evils of society, it is also the cautionary tale of an evil man (Bulla) who swept away in a malestorm of revenge and violence (as he once tells Shankar: “Tujhe jalta bhunta dekhkar hum is tarah khush hote hain jis tarah koi shaitani-type ke bacchen aapne guriya ke haath payer todkar talee marte hainnnnnnn”) is consumed by the flames of his own rage.

He first sees his darling sister made “lamba” by arch-rival Lambu Atta following which Bulla laments, in an epic scene, “Munni meri behen munni, munni meri behen munni, to tu mar gyee? Lambu ne tujhe lamba kar diya? Maachis ki tili ko khamba kar diya?“. And then the pain he experiences everyday in seeing his mentally challenged younger brother trying to become a “mard” is gut-wrenching. Bulla feeds him sex pills from London and like a kind elder brother provides him girls to rape (and I should add, Chutiya doesnt even know it’s a crime to forcibly fornicate as he keeps asking Bullah: “Bhaiyya bhaiyya, rape karna kya buree baat hain?“). Till one day Chutiya emerges a man —an occasion he marks by disco-dancing with eunuchs to the tune of “Haye haye mere bhai jawaan ho gya, toota hua teer kaman ho gya“. And yet just when “tere tube main light aaya tha” , Shankar despatches Chutiya to his maker (as Bulla says: “tera fuse uda diya”) by cutting off his organ. (Incidentally that castration scene was tough to picturize—-many crew members got reacquainted with last night’s dinner !). What tragedy!

Does Gunda’s scope end here? No sir. The canvass is even larger. Sin and redemption. Shankar risks his life for sworn enemy Bulla’s illegitimate daughter (”Haseena ka paseena”). But forgiveness is not for all. At the opposite end, arch-criminal Lambu Atta, asks in vain for mercy from Bulla once he realizes that he is surrounded by Bulla’s deadly assassins.

Bulla. mere ko mat maar. Mere ko aapna bhadwa bana de. Main ladkiyan supply karte rahoonga aur tu maaze lete rahena. Tere ko AIDS se bachane ke liye nirodh ban jayoonga. Towel baanke tere kamad se lapak jayoonga. Mere ko mat maar. Aur agar maarna hi hain to mujhe cheel-chaal ke chakka bana de. Main sari lapet kar tere liye dance karoonga…Gore gore gaal gaal gore gore..

And no. Even this offer of slavery cannot save Lambu Atta who gets his “maut ka chata”.

Interviewer: One of the persistent criticisms of “Gunda” made by feminists and even by some masculinists is that Gunda is a monument to misogyny and chauvinism. They have taken umbrage to the lines :” Roti hote hain khane ke liye aur boti hote hain chabane ke liye, badhsha ki behen ho, ya fakeer ki beti, har kisi ko aana parta marad ke niche bajane ke liye citi” and “Chatri hotee hain kholne ke liye, chadar hotee hain orne ke liye aur ladki hotee hain cherne ke liye” as being medieval and repugnant. Comments.

KS: There it is again: the trap of literalism. In “Gunda” women represent purity and honesty and what I show is the violation of that. Simple. I never want to titillate, I can assure you. In fact where Bulla encounters Shankar’s wife, they talk in perfect rhyme to each other—which attests to the fact that my intention is to be poetic, rather than vulgar.

KS: Now here’s my question to you, the interviewer. As a fan yourself, what is your favourite Gunda moment?

Interviewer: Tables turned. Haha. Well there is a scene in which super-pimp Lucky Chikna screams at a sex-worker who is doing “liptam chipti chipkam lipti” with a guy instead of servicing her client. When she protests that “Woh buddha kuch karta naheen hain. Sirf bolta hain choos choos meri ungli choos“, Lucky Chikna delivers the line:”Dhande pe baithi hain to buddha kya, jawan kya, kya chotha kya bara, kya baitha kya khara“. There is any austere beauty in this scene I have never been quiet able to fathom.

Interviewer: Now back to the questions. What do you think is the legacy of Gunda?

KS: Gunda is on IMDB at 8.6. It is uniformly accepted as a masterpiece. It holds the world record for being screened in almost all men’s hostels in India. Often in a loop. There is are orkut communities for it. There is even a fan site. It is now a popular baby-name. There is a city in the republic of Buryatia named after the movie. A Gunda-themed apparel line exists. There is “Gunda pickle” which on consumption makes you scream like Lambu Atta after he sees his chikna bhai Kundan murdered. An Aussie band has named themselves Gunda Guys to honor their love for the classics. The Zulus have named a “cottol reel car” Gunda Gunda.

Gunda dialogues have passed into popular lingo. “Tere behen ko kar doonga khullam khullah” is an accepted form of greeting between men in college campuses in India. The idea of Lucky Chikna’s sex garden (”latakta circus”) where people fornicated on hanging khatiyas has been adopted by discerning brothels all over the world. Many children born accidentally due to defective contraceptives are being named “Nirodh Kumar” in many parts of India, in honour of a character of the same name in “Gunda”.

Interviewer: Lastly, there are so many questions over which fans have agonized over the years. Why does the hero’s father’s moustache disappear and reappear between scenes? Why does the Mithun-da character, a coolie, have a cellphone in the mid 90s? And also a rocket-launcher? Why does 70% of the movie take place on a tarmac? Is the relationship between Bulla and Lambu Atta homoerotic (as Lambu says: Bulla ke naam leke tune khara kar diya hain mera) ?Why did Chutiya think that the bathroom is the only place Shankar will not look for him? Are the Ambassadors in the movie remote-controlled?Why is the Vidhan Sabha and the High Court the same building?Why…

KS: (interrupting). Yes I know. Some true fans have tried to find the solution to these questions through the Gunda FAQ. All I can say is that I was greatly influenced byDadaism, a movement of the early 1900s whose principle was the conscious rejection of logic, rationality and conventional aesthetics. Actually the name Bulla is a tribute to Bulldada which means something that is “brilliant specially because it does not know its own stupidity”, with Bulldada itself a term born out of the Dadaist philosophy. In short, with such influences,trying to find total coherence in Gunda is ultimately a self-defeating experience.

Interviewer: Any final words to the fans?

KS: Thank you for the love and support. And watch Gunda. Again and again. There has never been a movie like this before. Trust me. There never will be one like this again.

[Acknowledgements: Gunda movie online, and the orkut Gunda community and its active members for the inspiration]

A couple Gunda clips

2010-03-18T03:36:00.002-04:00

A taste of cinematic excellence

GUNDA

2010-03-17T01:43:00.003-04:00

Original Title: Gunda (Hooligan)
Year: 1998
Director: Kanti Shah
Writer: Bashir Babar
IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0497915/
Genre: Bollywood Action

Synopsis:
Shankar, a coolie, comes in the way of the bad guys, Bulla and his cronies. They kill his father and sister. Shankar vows revenge and eliminates all of them in bizarre and gruesome fashion.

I really want this on a shirt

This is the sort of movie that introduced me to Bollywood. It's a B-movie in every sense of the term. And believe me, a Bollywood B-movie from this time feels like a D-movie for us here in the US. I've seen people compare Gunda to Plan 9 From Outer Space, a sentiment I can somewhat get behind despite there being a lack of stock footage like in Mr. Wood's opus. Sorry, movie fans... no octopus here!

But at least half the film takes place on a tarmac... that's good for something, yeah?

Full of completely odd directorial choices, one has to wonder if much of this film is a tongue-in-cheek parody instead of simply borderline inept, but I must say it's a bit more fun to think about it in terms of the latter.

Gunda stars Mithun Chakraborty as Shankar, a normal guy that gets tied up in a gang war and takes matters into his own hands when things become very personal. When recommending this movie previously, I had always laughed about this character with his little mullet, his little bit of chubbiness, and his KICK ASS WINDBREAKER FROM HELL, but last night when actually researching the film for the first time, I came to the realization that Mr. Chakraborty is a pretty damn big star in India!

I had no idea!

At one point number two only to the great Amitabh Bachchan himself, Mithun has made over 250 movies in his career, was once known as a great dancer which was highlighted in films... and here's the kicker...

I've seen some of his movies!

I'm so ashamed.

Not because I have seen them... ohhh no... but because I never put 2 and 2 together. Not even close. In my defense, the couple films I have seen him in, he looked completely different. He aged quite a bit from the 80s to the late 90s. And when I watched this, taking the production quality into account, I never would have imagined that a big star would be in it. I honestly thought everyone was just normal ol' shlubs just having fun in front of (and behind) the camera.

Upon reading Mithun's wikipedia, I learned that in the 90s, he decided to leave Mumbai and the big film industry and moved to a more rural location, opened a making over 80 low budget films over a decade. "These movies were mainly produced to cater to the audiences of Madhya Pradesh and Bihar, where Mrithun has a cult-following even today."

Would this be like a Tom Hanks quitting Hollywood and making B-movies for residents of Alabama?

Shankar has his humorous moments - you can really see Mithun's personality shine through despite is obvious declining dancing abilities - but his true talents lie in his fighting ability. This guy can kick anyone's ass! ANYONE! Don't focus on the fact that he carries a rocket launcher in the trunk of his Hyundai (and wears a Michael Jackson jacket 15 years after they were cool)... this guy will use his bare hands to rip dudes in mesh tank tops apart.

He is so amazing that a kick that misses by a foot will still do massive damage. The air movement created from his masterful foot movements send fools flying.

If you love corny fighting, then you will have a blast with Gunda. The punches... hell even grabbing someone's shoulder!... makes a giant punch noise. Kanti Shah uses some awesome reverse footage to have guys jumping up from the ground. And he doesn't fuck around with finding stunt doubles that look like the actors because that would take too much time. Here you will see a fat dude jump in the air, cut to a skinny man in khakis FLIPPING 10 FEET IN THE AIR, then fat guy landing.

And then I think Shankar kicked the piss out of his fat face.

I really found myself laughing out loud at the action scenes. They don't waste a lot of times with guns in the film... at least not against people. Most confrontations here end up in some sort of hand to hand (or foot to face) combat. But there are some great explosions (by great I mean L-O-L), slow motion, a car crash that made me so happy I could pee... it's silly fun.

The actors around Mithun are all over the top. Very much so. Mithun is hammy, but not nearly the most ridiculous. The characters that appear in the film speak in rhymes, look at the camera, and all seem like parodies of some villain somewhere. The villains in particular are the reasons for feeling that the film is at the very least a comedy at heart and most likely an intentionally cheesy action romp.

The main villain Bulla played by Mukesh Rishi has a fanfuckingtabulous stache and always repeats a rhyme when he is doing something badass like stabbing fat fuckers or threatening funerals. I believe the rhyme is something like "Mera naam hai Bulla, mai hamesha rakhta hoon khulla," translated in the subtitles to something like "My name is Bulla, and I do it in the open," but I have read that the line can be translated to something about him not wearing underwear. I'd love to find someone who could tell me exactly what he is saying... at least how it translates into Hindi.

He doesn't seem to be anything remotely approaching a good actor, but Rishi as Bulla has become one of my favorite bad guys because of how strange and campy he seems. The manner in which he delivers his lines is drawn out and over dramatic. It's a bit hard to describe, but it's very unrealistic... so much so I couldn't help but believe it was done in a humorous way.

The murderous guy walks around with a pet leopard on a leash, loves to dance with eunuchs (yep), and has an oddball hermaphrodite brother that he gives a certain pill to that makes him into a violent rapist.

Holy shit.

More evidence that Shah at least somewhat knew what he was creating here was the breaking of the fourth wall that goes on. For instance, as the villains are initially introduced, and rhyming their lines, they are speaking directly to the camera. The writing and dialogue is so bad, one has to believe on some level it was intentional. I realize that some of it may be due to something being lost in translation to the subtitles, but the things that some characters say when attempting to be threatening will make you chuckle before anything else in how crazy it sounds.

There is even a moment near the beginning when a character references another Kanti Shah film, even quoting it to make a point.

I can't say I have ever seen that in a movie ever!

Ultimately, Gunda comes off as very bizarre in its presentation. I'll be amongst the first to say that Bollywood has its fair share of melodrama, but this film takes it to another level. It's overlong for such a film, but we've learned that comes with the territory now. The comedy is very broad, but not to the point where someone is going to rub their ass after getting kicked or you're hearing a bell sound with a shot to the nuts. The singing/dancing numbers feel more out of place than normal, but the style of dancing and the matching outfits had a different feel than usual... again almost as if they were sarcastic? I'm not sure.

I talk a lot on my blog about movies toeing the line of something, and I think Gunda is a prime example of toeing the line of ridiculousness without ever making me want to give up on it. At times the movie even feels surreal in its madness. Backgrounds and such will just change from scene to scene.

For ultimate ridiculously bad action, you cannot do much better than this film. I could go on and on just talking about little parts from the movie, but honestly it's something that will be much more appreciated when seen. I'm not sure how to score the film as I love it, but it's so terribly made.

We'll just say I love how bad it is.

Technically speaking, the film is probably a 2 / 10
It's a film made in 1998 that looks like 1973, the scenes are lacking, the story is recycled and its presentation sometimes doesn't even make sense, the acting is absurd

But as far as my enjoyment of it... I'm going 8.75 / 10
I just love Gunda and it's faults. It is overlong and some scenes in particular were too drawn out, and the obligatory romance was 'meh' at best, but I smile through this movie and recommend it to anyone who loves finding beauty in the nonsensical.

if you like Zanjeer...

2010-03-13T00:57:00.001-05:00

...check out 2 other Amitabh films I've watched recently. Yes, this is a lazy way to review something, but I don't want to keep the Bollywood coverage going on for too too long.

The first is 1978's Don.

Synopsis:
A ruthless gangster named Don is killed during a scuffle with the police. Since only DSP DeSilva knows of this incident, he recruits another person named Vijay who is a spitting image of Don. Vijay is planted in Don's place in Don's gang and DeSilva has a plan to nab the entire gang in this way. But when DeSilva dies during a raid, the secret that Vijay is not Don is also buried with him. Now Vijay is on the run - from the police and the criminal gang - and has to find the last piece of evidence to prove his real identity before it is too late.

I didn't like this movie as much as I liked Zanjeer when I first saw it, and I believe that is because the length of this one really got to me. Having just watched the two and a half hour Zanjeer the day before, perhaps I just needed something a bit tighter. By the time a guy starts to tightrope walk (in a tragic fucking green screen display) I had lost patience.

So why am I recommending it? Well, I do believe that viewed out of my context, this film could hold up better. It is highly regarded in Amitabh's resume, and is a different twist on the actiony crime flick. Plus, Amitabh's performance as both the Don and Vijay, the man who pretends to be the Don, is damn good stuff.

He's at one point a ruthless bastard, then the next a singing, dancing, betel leaf chewing dude who instantly feels over his head. If it weren't for the side story with a couple kids' real father, I think this would be better.

I read that this story was inspiration for Infernal Affairs (which in turn inspired Scorsese's The Departed), but I'm not sure this is true. The stories are similar in structure however with the straight man being placed in a group of organized criminals to obtain information.

Score: 5.75 / 10

The other is 1975's Sholay

Synopsis:
After his family is murdered by a notorious and ruthless bandit, a former police officer enlists the services of two outlaws to capture him.

Before I get to anything else, I have to say that it is criminal that a better release of this film is not available. Being the first 70mm film ever to come out of India and essentially the highest grossing Hindi film of all time, the fact that the only DVD releases are cropped to full frame and the prints are dirty and damaged is just plain wrong.

Anyway, I'm sure I am not going to say anything here that hasn't been said before. I think for fans of genre cinema, particularly Westerns and Spaghetti Westerns, who aren't familiar with Hindi cinema, this may be the place to start. Yes, it goes on longer than a Peter North facial, (188 minutes!) but the slower style of filmmaking works here. The subplots that can weigh a lot of Bollywood films down all contribute well to the overall story.

The performances are universally strong... Amitabh is a cool motherfucker as usual.

I really do think that fans of cinema owe it to themselves to at least see this one Bollywood in their lifetime if no others. It's not perfect, you've probably seen the story in The Magnificent Seven or whatever, and the humor that is there can be broad (particularly the Hitler warden in the prison... ugh...) but it's a good damn movie that I am glad I finally sat down and finished.

Sorry... that 3+ hours can really be a hurdle!

Score: 8.5 / 10

ZANJEER

2010-03-12T16:02:00.005-05:00

Original Title: Zanjeer (The Chain)
Year: 1973
Director: Prakash Mehra
Writer: Javed Akhtar, Salim Khan
IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070947/
Genre: Bollywood, action

Synopsis: The world erodes around Vijay, an honest police officer. He is jailed for 6 months on false charges, trapped by gang leader Teja. When Vijay is released from jail, he plans to take revenge.

Oh baby... Bollywood + Eurocrime
Bollycrime?
Curryeurocrime?

This film is the one responsible for making Amitabh Bachchan a superstar and started a series of films featuring his new "angry young man" style character. I was surprised when watching this how much like a Eurocrime film it ended up feeling like. It opens with a young Vijay and his parents celebrating Diwali. Vijay's dad, a career criminal, has told his boss that he is leaving the life of crime and going straight. Bossman ain't having this shit, so he sends a man (wearing a peculiar bracelet with a white horse dangling from it) to off dad. Mom wanders in and gets plugged too, all while young Vijay watches in horror hiding in a closet.

Fast forward years later, and Vijay has become an inspector and is plagued with dreams of a shadowy figure riding a white horse. Amitabh Bachchan is this eurocrime/Dirty Harry rip-off style detective, not opposed to bending the rules to get his shit done. This is most apparent right from the beginning as Vijay finds out immediately upon arriving at his new precinct (he has been transferred out of several due to his constantly not following protocol - a definite eurocrime convention) the name of a man with loads of public complaints against him and calls him into his office for a little chat.

I would say called him in for a sit-down, but there is actually a great moment once this man Sher Khan (Pran) arrives between him and Vijay where Vijay kicks a chair away from Shar Khan just as Khan is about to seat himself. Vijay had not invited Shar Khan to sit, and was pissed that he was treating his office as if it was his home. The two men go back and forth a bit here, and this all culminates in a pretty sweet street fight later on between the two.

I'm not sure that the end result of this confrontation was all that well done, however: Sher Khan agrees to just stop his gambling dens and such immediately because of his newfound respect for Vijay and his tiger-like spirit. I understand the intention here, and having a new respected friend with connections outside law enforcement helps to move the story along, but I wish that there had been a bit more complexity to the situation or at least to the Shar Khan character. I will say that Pran's performance was a highlight for me, however. I loved his constantly pushing his hair back - especially before/after headbutting some poor bastard in the chest!

Old school dressed with red hair and an awesome stache and beard, Sher Khan was an interesting character and definitely different from those around him in this particular story. At times he made me think of Mario Adorf's Luca Canali in La Mala Ordina (Manhunt), not because he was an underdog, but because he had a fiery disposition inside a deceiving kinda chubby package... (I said "chubby package"). Oh, and he headbutts the shit out of people. He's a prideful man and eventually very reliable to Vijay, but as I said, I wish there was just a little more dimension.

Then there's the obvious other go-to here is Amitabh's character which I have mentioned already. It is a one-dimensional character essentially, as are many cop roles in similar films, but Amitabh's one dimension is pretty fucking cool. He isn't the typical hothead, but instead keeps his wits about him almost universally. He does lose it from time to time, and when he does, he loves to multi-kick people instead of the usual punch combination (hilarious). He throws a dropkick out there which was pretty awesome, and one dude he just fucking stands on to drown his ass in the tub!

But don't get me wrong - it's all about the Amitabh stare and trademark deep voice here. He'll make your balls just a little bigger just hearing it.

The man doesn't even look completely ridiculous in a prison uniform that has short pants, so that says something.

The story stays largely simple and easy to follow fortunately despite the ever-present Bollywood tradition of including many plot points. As with many other films in the police/crime genre, this story boils down to a rogue cop vs. an organized criminal, but Zanjeer toes that line of getting weighed down in its subplots. It's not really enough to mess with the flow of the film significantly, but when you take your time not only on the main story but also on the developing friendship between Vijay and Sher Khan, a childhood flashback, a budding romance with a knife sharpener (and yes that actually comes into play as well!), etc., you will run the risk of just going on too long. 'Tis the Bollywood way, though. Directors here take their time developing stories. As I've said previously, this can be a daunting feature for American audiences in particular who are used to a similar story that can be told in 90 minutes instead of 145!

Mehra made a solid film here, but it isn't going to be for all audiences. The musical numbers alone will turn off many viewers who enjoy this genre film (there are usually around 5 or 6 songs in a Bollywood film this length it seems). I liked the music here, as I typically like the older style Hindi music as opposed to the top 40 sound of a lot of the film music today.

This isn't a story you can't find elsewhere, as 90-minute eurocrimes seem to be a dime a dozen, but it's a cool piece of Bollywood history as it marked a definite transition from loads of romance movies to loads of action movies being made

Plus, you get to see Amitabh Bachchan doing his great angry young man for the first time.

Definitely recommended for fans of Curry-action

Score: 6.5 / 10

What I have been watching lately PART II

2010-03-10T15:45:00.002-05:00

Return to the Battle of the Khans

Here's where I review a handful of Shahrukh Khan's films that I have been watching. Another current Bollywood megastar, Shahrukh seems to take fewer risks in his characters and films overall than Aamir which makes them an interesting contrast. I enjoy Shahrukh's films, but in a different way.

Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi (2008)
A middle-aged man who has lost his love for life recovers it through the love of a vivacious young girl.

Ah, if only that remained the focus of the film...

Like school buddy films, I love a good loser trying to get the girl film. I really liked the parts of Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi where Sharukh played the simple, middle-aged man Surinder. Surinder is a good man, but keeps to himself, lives alone, etc. Then you have the lovely and lively Taani (Anushka Sharma) who loses her fiancee on the eve of their wedding. Taani's father is a long time mentor and former professor of Surinder, and upon growing ill tells his daughter that he can only rest well knowing that she is well cared for by the man he trusts most in Surinder.

Their marriage is arranged to fulfill the father's wishes, despite Taani not really wanting to and Surinder feeling embarrassed and possibly ashamed. Taani lives a depressed life, mourning her deceased love still, and Surinder begins to love her from afar, unsure how to make her happy.

I would have liked this film to have developed from this story alone, but that wouldn't be Bollywood enough, no? What we end up getting is a sort of douchebag Superman where Surinder poses as a handsome cocky type, Taani of course not recognizing him, trying to get to know her this way. He believes Taani will only associate his geeky self with pain and remain sad.

The humor is broad and the story unrealistic, but ultimately I did enjoy this film for what it was. You certainly have to suspend belief, and just enjoy the colors, dancing, lighthearted story, etc. I fucking loved the song Surinder sings first in the film titled Haule Haule, when he first begins to think that maybe a movie star type is what Taani wants in life.

Not sure what it is, but it just caught my corny ass at the right time.

Shahrukh is cheesy, but does a solid job, especially as the loveable loser persona. Not the greatest film ever, but I liked it more than I thought I would.

Score: 7.25 / 10

Om Shanti Om (2007)
In the 1970s, Om, an aspiring actor, is murdered, but is immediately reincarnated into the present day. He attempts to discover the mystery of his demise and find Shanti, the love of his previous life.

Now talk about suspending belief. Om Shanti Om was a film I heard high praise for from friends, and thus saved it until last in my mini-Shahrukh watching spree. I was a little let down by the end of the film, but it was a fun trip getting there.

The best parts for me were the production and set design, and the first half of the film that takes place in the 1970s. Shahrukh's hammy side was certainly at home here as this (and into much of the second half) serves as a loving spoof of the Bollywood film industry. Everyone and everything is intentionally over the top and colorful. There's a cool musical number at the outset, showing the gorgeous main actress Deepika Padukone dancing through scenes of famous Bollywood films. (She is digitally inserted into them and it looks pretty cool. I wish I knew the films better, and I think I could appreciate the scene more)

There are a few jumps in plot in the second half that we not well done in my opinion, one big one in particular that I won't spoil here, but it all leads into a story at the end that I just didn't care for.

At least it looked good up until the very end!

Also, watch for the extremely catchy Deewangi Deewangi (many people will recognize this song from somewhere outside the movie... it's actually driving me crazy that I cannot place it.) In his song/dance number, you get brief cameos from loads of Bollywood stars. I recognized a few, but someone more versed in Hindi cinema will have a lot of fun here I think. It's not my normal style of music by any means, but I enjoyed this scene a lot. Hell, even if you hate the song, you're gonna be singing the Ooooom shanti ooooooom in your head all day!

This film is a cool little twist on the Bollywood formula, but didn't consistently hold my interest. It just started to lose me when the main plot began to take shape.

Score: 6.25 / 10

My Name Is Khan (2010)
Rizwan Khan, a Muslim from the Borivali section of Mumbai, suffers from Asperger's syndrome, a form of high-functioning autism that complicates socialization. The adult Rizwan marries a Hindu single mother, Mandira, in San Francisco. After 9/11, Rizwan is detained by authorities at LAX who mistake his disability for suspicious behavior. Following his arrest, he meets Radha, a therapist who helps him deal with his situation and his affliction. Rizwan then begins a journey to meet US President Obama to clear his name

OK, I'm too lazy to rewrite that synopsis, but I suppose it is approaching what actually took place in My Name Is Khan... Yes, he is on a journey to tell the president that he is not a terrorist, but there's a lot that leads up to this, and his Asperger's certainly plays a part in this decision.

What I took from this film wasn't so much the story first, but rather that it felt like a project that Aamir Khan would take on instead, which is why I chose to put it here as opposed to some other of Shahrukh's films that I have seen lately. Everything else I have seen with him he has ben portrayed as a hunky and/or romantic lead, but here is essentially the Indian Rain Man. I thought Khan did a really nice job here... as did the actors around him. I really liked seeing Kajol who has appeared in quite a few films with Shahrukh Khan. Let's not be misleading at all here though, this is certainly the Shahrukh show.

At it's heart, this is a great story and film. It is very nicely shot and tackles some admirable topics. But those topics are the main thing that weighed down the film for me. There is way too much crammed in here for proper resolution of any of it, really. We have Muslim/Hindu relations... post-9/11 Muslim treatment in America... a mourning mother and family... the Asperger's challenge itself.... Bush and Obama... terrorism at a mosque... terrorist detainees being mistreated... a fucking hurricane that is more like an unrelenting monsoon (Katrina references abound).

It all ends up gumming up the works and making the film feel more shallow than it could have been.

One problem I think American audiences will take from this film is how Americans themselves are portrayed. Almost every white face here is an asshole at some point, and the small town in Georgia has some very stereotypical black characters. It was kind of annoying as I was watching the film, but after it was over and I thought more about it, I realized that this film was most likely made first for an Indian audience. Some characterizations had to be done in the context of the story to get a point across.

And as for the Georgia town with dirt paths that floods uncontrollably and is only visited by citizens... I believe this is more a representation of a very rural Indian village. It was made more familiar to that audience. Even with the government's problems at handing the Katrina disaster, there was still a presence by the National Guard at some point, and normal citizens could not just wander into the area to help those forgotten. It was all told in hyperbole in the film for a reason, but didn't exactly work for me.

I'm not gonna lie, this movie teared me up a few times. But some of the negatives just drug down the overall experience.

An interesting real life story actually had Shahrukh being detained for hours at an American airport because of his last name when he was coming here to promote this film in which this Muslim man is detained at an airport because of his name. People that worked at the airport were asking for his autograph while the whole process was going on.

Score: 6.5 / 10

Shahrukh seems to more embrace his Bollywood fame and status. He's a good actor, but his films entertain mostly in a different way. There are certainly exceptions, such as the outstanding Swades: We, the People, and obviously My Name Is Khan, but you are definitely doing to see Shahrukh with his shirt open and hair blowing in the wind before Aamir at this point in their careers. Shahrukh is going to have 3 Kabhi Khushi Kabhie Ghams and Devdases (both good, colorful films in their own mega-melodramatic ways) for every Swades it seems to me in my limited experience.

Well, there you have it. The "outsider" and the "superstar." My foundation thus far for Bollywood of the past 10 or 15 years.

I'll be covering more genre-style Bollywood films coming up, don't you worry your pretty little head. Amitabh is coming!!