It's Malibu McBee time!

So June marks the official start of summer or some shit, and with that comes all that cool shit that I like to do in the summer... like stay indoors out of the shitty sun and shitty heat and watch shit on TV.

Nowadays I spread the wealth around a vast array of films that I have collected in a vast array of ways. (cough)... But there was a time that summer TV watching meant lots of late night Time Life infomercials, Ricki Lake, and of course American Gladiators reruns.

Lots of American Gladiators reruns.

I'm not sure what it was about that show... maybe that it was just easy to ignore while I was pining away for some chick that was ignoring me, but it was a regular, and still makes me think about summer vacation.

Lame, depressing, summer vacation.

Well, all of this babbling is just a roundabout way to 1) make it seem like I am writing more than I actually am, and 2) introduce a new little series of films for me to review (or probably not review if my track record holds true) starring (or at least featuring) a particularly massive-maned man I once knew as Malibu.

Mr. Deron McBee!

Now I can combine my summer TV laziness with my current viewing habits and share my feelings on some Deron McBee movies with you, my loyal handful of subscribers!! Thanks to The Gentlemen's Guide to Midnite Cinema, I realized that Malibu just wasn't a dude that was really good at shooting tennis balls at people and bludgeoning with oversize q-tips, but an actor in quite a few movies... even starred in a couple... and most just seem right up my alley. I'll be discovering literally ALL of this as I go along.

I can't guarantee all will be starring roles, but if Malibu is entertaining, it's gonna get talked about, bitches.

Maybe the tough tits will be enough for me to actually post more than three times in a month and get my subscribers to a more respectible level like 70 or 71!

A man can dream.

VHS Finds V

In the spirit of blogging laziness, I present to you another VHS tape that I still cannot watch because my VCR lives in the attic. Certain readers will get a kick out of this. Others will not even know what the fuck it is.

RAIDERS OF ATLANTIS, or I Predatori di Atlantide, is a humorously bad/awesome post-apoc flick where you get to see this guy:

This film is on one of the Mill Creek 50-packs, but I can't remember which one at the moment and I can't be bothered to look.

VHS Finds IV

Firewalker

I typically don't buy VHS copies of films that have been released on DVD, but this cover just caught me at the right time. Plus, it's some shit I'd never drop coin for on DVD.

Wasting some time at a used bookstore the other day before work, I first saw the Cannon Pictures logo, then the MEDIA logo as I turn to the front.

Add in Mr. Norris and Mr. Gossett, and I'm sold. I'm sure it's a total ripoff of Indiana Jones, but I thought more of the old Stuart Whitman film Treasure of the Amazon that I reviewed here back in October 2009. Should be fun even if lame.

I really should hook up my VCR soon.

Little fun things like that in my personal life have become about as rare as my blog posts.

CHINESE HERCULES

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Original Title: Ma tou da jue dou
Year: 1973
Director: Ta Huang
Writer: Kuang Ni
IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0137427/
Genre: Martial Arts

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Synopsis:
A martial arts fighter, haunted by his past, takes a job as a dock worker in a small village. His vow never to fight again is tested by the cruel owner of the pier.

I wasn't actually sure what to expect going into this film. Just going on the poster alone, I thought I was in for a Bolo as a bully or even a comedy. What I found was, despite Bolo being top billed, he was not in a large chunk of the film and it was a relatively serious story about common men fighting back against some oppressive, rich bastards.

(No real reason to post the Spanish/Mexican version of the poster here except that I think it's pretty sweet.)

Bolo Yeung is not the star of this film, but when he makes his appearance, it's quite an impact, as only a guy of his size and demeanor can. They really play off his massive strength and make him pretty fucking scary. That's the Bolo I remember from Bloodsport! (Plus a few more lines of dialogue...) The volume is turned up to motherfuckin' 11 when he's breaking furniture and logs and necks... my tv speaker was about to burst.

Maybe I was just in a particularly chipper mood from lots of coffee and tea for breakfast as I finally made it through this film with jittery hands and brain, but I had a lot of fun. The first half plodded on at times, but there is a pivotal scene with an old man fight that turned the corner for me.

As with big men in professional wrestling, Bolo was given a role here that works for a dude quite a bit larger than the others around him. While it was interesting to see him in a near comedic role in Fists of Justice, being the unstoppable monster. The fact that he can bust out the relatively quick kung fu makes it all the more badass.

Look at this suave motherfucker.

While the acting overall isn't phenomenal, and some of the faces made especially in fighting seem very ridiculous, I appreciated the emotion brought to the story here by all actors involved... Bolo included. The main character is tormented by a past mistake and is torn on protecting those around him from oppression. The dock workers are visually frustrated by their situation. The dock owner is an arrogant, cocky asshole. Even Bolo gets in on the fun with being cocky on one hand and frustrated with wanting to do things on his own as opposed to just being simply hired muscle.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not championing subtle acting nuances or anything like that... but having a group of actors actually seem excited to film a story adds to the overall effect for me in a postive way. I could get into the film a lot more than if everyone was just stoic. It's possible the decent English dub on this copy helped matters as well.

There are some cool/up-close angles at time, but for the most part the film is standard faire for a martial arts film. Ta Huang, who only directed two films both around the same time, did a serviceable job... especially for a first film. It's only about an hour and a half long, but I ultimately feel it is a bit too long... probably because of the first half that takes quite awhile to set things up.

I was all set to come on here and have some laughs and write about some silliness cheese in the film, but Chinese Hercules just isn't that film. It's not gonna blow you away, but get a little amped up on caffeine and it may just hit you in the right spot. Solid and different than expected.

Score: 6.75 / 10

Filling gaps - Bolo will return

Working a lot these past couple days... and really want to watch a Barry Prima/Chris Mitchum film tonight before bed, but I haven't forgotten about all you Bolo lovers!

While I am working (and not working) on a review for Chinese Hercules, here is a tribute video from YouTube with some pretty terrible music.

Can I say though, I am pretty fucking pumped to watch him in TC2000 with Billy Blanks

I need this on a t-shirt.... now

Saw this from deviantART user ~vshen (http://vshen.deviantart.com/) while googling for Bolo Yeung photos. I would love to have it on a shirt

BOLO - FISTS OF JUSTICE

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Original Title: Bai ma hei qi
Year: 1977
Director: Yang Sze (Bolo Yeung)
Writer: ?
IMDb: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0164441/
Genre: Martial Arts / Comedy

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Synopsis:
Two convicts get freed from prison and become lawmen in a corrupt village.


I realize that a film such as this isn't going to be the best representation of the body of work Bolo Yeung has put out over the years, but I thought it might be kind of cool to start out with a rare and silly film that he not only choreographed and starred in... but FUCKING DIRECTED.

Hell yeah!

Well, not really.

But it's at the very least an intriguing (at least for me, but I've been known as an idiot in certain circles) look into this seemingly quiet, toughman's creativity (?) and maybe even personality.

For those of you that may have issues with overly corny, Hong Kong slapstick comedy in your martial arts film, this film will probably not be for you.

I am definitely one of those people.

What I found watching this was a test of patience. It's really not very good. The editing and writing makes the story almost incomprehensible, and that comedy with food slapped in faces, eyes crossing, etc. just gets to be too much at times. The acting on top of the comedy is also very broad (not helped at all by a god-awful english dub on this copy), but that is one of the things for me that is both good and bad here.

It's bad for everyone except Bolo.

Bear with me here.

Bolo Yeung for me is a classic badass villain.... but oddly I really have only ever known him from one single movie... Bloodsport. Sure he was in Enter the Dragon, the film that helped him don the Bolo name, but we all know that's really the Bruce Lee show. He was a rather nasty baddie in another JCVD film Double Impact, but I only saw that for the first time when I reviewed it here on my blog last year. Other than that, my entire image of him has really been from Bloodsport... the uber-serious, cocky monster that obliterates Ogre from Revenge of the Nerds. SPOILER ALERT~~!

So seeing him in this role was certainly a cool change of pace for me. He acts silly. He is amazingly agile for a dude his size. He has a ridiculous fucking beard and hairdo.

The film may suck ass, but seeing Bolo have fun like this was really cool for me.

Part of the reason I am writing about a few Bolo flicks is to honestly just see more of his catalog. I'm not sure I've ever been a fan of an actor when I've seen as little as I actually have. The other reason is I just finally needed to break my streak and start writing shit again, and what better way to do so than with the Beast from the East... MISTER Tough Tits himself????

You don't have to answer that.

As I said, the plot is a total mess here. Truthfully I got completely lost about halfway through and only halfway paid attention to half of what was going on. Something about Bolo being a sheriff and there's some dude that used to be sheriff that is pissed and Bolo loves this super tall skinny lady and there's some shit about gold in there. Dammit I don't know.

And what the fuck is this?

Pretty much, I just looked up when the fighting would start, which thankfully was often, but it's all not enough to save the film overall. There's some decent stuff going on from time to time action-wise; some creative fight scenes that didn't completely rely on comedy which is always good for me. The co-star alongside Bolo, and I apologize for having no clue what his name is, was a talented martial artist himself, doing some sweet things with props in his scenes.

(Keep an eye out for a can fight and a fuckin' human being as weapon fight!)

Plus, it's cool for me seeing Bolo in a full on martial arts role, and not just the immovable monster. Reference is made to his size a few times, but otherwise he is treated as any other fighter in the film. Maybe this has something to do with his actually directing and choreographing it, but who knows?

Spellcheck has informed me that I've now spelled choreograph wrong twice... a different way each time.

Make that three times.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, tits.

Wait, tits?

Oops, I meant TITS

BAAAAAM!

For fans of kung fu films, there is, well, not a lot here. For fans of martial arts... there's not a ton, but some entertaining stuff nonetheless. I think Fists of Justice is worth checking out to see the softer, sexier side of the man we all know as Bolo, but for casual passers-by, you aren't missing much by skipping this.

Will this be the beginning of my path to becoming a Bolo apologist?

And Jesus Christ how many times can I say Bolo in the next couple weeks much less this one blog post?

Talent... some people are just born with it.

Bolo Bolo Bolo Bolo Bolo

Score: 3.75 / 10

Enough bullshit... it's time for Bolo

Why can't I just sit my ass down and write something?

Bolo... let's bring it back.