Tuesday, September 29, 2009


Original Title: I Nuovi barbari
Year: 1983
Director: Enzo G. Castellari
Writer: Tito Carpi, Enzo G. Castellari, Antonio Visone
IMDB: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0084424/
Genre: Post-Apocalypse

This may have been the very first Enzo Castellari film I ever watched. I didn't watch it because it was Castellari... I watched it because it is post-apocalyptic flick. It is a Mad Max rip-off. And it is so fun.

imdb synopsis: Two mercenaries help wandering caravans fight off an evil and aimless band of white-clad bikers after the nuclear holocuast.

Mad Max 2 anyone?

OK, actually I don’t have a lot to say about this one except that it ruled! The story here is pretty throwaway… it was most definitely a Road Warrior ripoff: the loner in the sweet muscle car protecting the helpless caravan from the evil mohawked do-badders. You kinda know what you are in for right off the bat with some of the best/worst miniature work ever put to film used to illustrate the nuclear strike that almost ends humanity.

OK, that looks a little better in a still than it does in motion, believe me.

There was evidently a clearance sale on stuntmen before filming started. There was quite a bit of dummy-flying here, but even in the first couple minutes we are treated to car chasing, motorcycle jumping, explosions… I was smiling a lot at the loads of action scenes.

Unless you are completely lacking in heart and soul, when you see a headless man riding a dirt bike with a smoky neck stump, how can you not at least grin? Oh, and did I mention his head was just blowed up by Fred Williamson's Dukes of Hazzard inspired exploding bow and arrow of doom?

The special effects and ridiculous costumes are worth seeing in this film as well because of how cheap they are honestly. For the right viewer, this will provide a fantastic viewing while watching the laser blasts, vacuum tubes taped to muscle cars and dune buggies, aluminum foil, shoulder pads... I was a big fan of the Templars white outfits. Most of them made me think of Spaceballs.

Our hero Scorpion, while understated in comparison to our more flamboyant villains, has some great elements of his own. His F-L-U-F-F-Y hairdo, spray painted skull hood ornament and especially his clear plastic armor near the end of the film are all things to behold!

Admittedly, I lost track of where the story was going in the middle. But I really don't think that is where most people will find their enjoyment in this film. I found myself not paying attention as Castellari was trying to cram some story in there before the final act was to begin.

If you want to follow a post-apocalyptic story a little better, seek out Mad Max. We all know why we're here.

Besides Fred Williamson being his normal self, no performances really stand out. Oh wait, one does. And he is more over the top than the Hammer wearing leather armor and sporting a bow and arrow. I'm talking about One.... Mr. George Eastman.

When he is not tearing hardback bibles n half with his bare hands or loving the hind quarters of his enemies, One likes to give long monologues about why the Templars need to kill everyone. It's ridiculous and glorious all at the same time.

Who would ever think Mr. Williamson would be outhammed?

Poke! Poke!

This one was pretty cheap… they shoehorned a story in there and called it a day, but so many things about this one had me smiling. More mindless than 2019 - After the Fall of New York, but I probably liked it better… maybe for that reason.

There are some nice Castellari moments in there, his fun use of slow-mo (with cars chasing people for instance) and some just interesting camera work. There's a great shot of Scorpion getting ready to fire through a peep hole.

Fun stuff.

Lots of explosions, corpses flailing about, decapitation, ridiculous cars, Fred Williamson’s stache…. even a side boob shot from the hot leading lady (who played a baddie in 2019 After the Fall of New York a year later… Anna Kanakis…hot!)

I know, a tit peek in a scene with a doctor examination should not be exciting, but come on! The boobs definitely should have been on display in the love scene inside the strange pool float tent, but I'll take what I can get in this case.

On an aside regarding this inflatable sex scene, when I watched this and even when I took the screen capture, I thought that was just an odd looking fake full moon peeking up behind the car. But I completely forgot that it's this odd plastic dome on the roof. It looks totally ridiculous and is never actually used from what I remember.

Anyway, boob(s)!

This is a must see if you like these types of films. Probably worth a purchase to watch with buddies, honestly. My score may seem a little low, but objectively speaking, this film is not great at all. Not even close. But anything that keeps me happy essentially from start to finish earns quite a few bonus points in my book.

6.75 out of 10

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